


Being Gross

by Ivyfics (ivannab)



Series: Being Gross Verse [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Blow Jobs, Body Worship, BokuAka sidepairing, Cotton Candy Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, Gratuitous use of commas italics and the word cock, Hickeys, Intercrural Sex, KageHina sidepairing, Leg Kink, Light Anxiety, Lingerie, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, Mild OT4, Miscommunication, Multi, Pierced!Kuroo, Porn with Feelings, Sex Toys, Sleepy Cuddles, Soft!Kurotsukki, Tattooed!Tsukki, ToraKen sidepairing, but like its cool dont worry, not a lot Uni in the Uni AU, okay so
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2018-10-28 17:38:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 40,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10836105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivannab/pseuds/Ivyfics
Summary: “Tsukishima! You’re calling! Why are you calling? Aren’t you at practice?”“He’s not wearing his shorts.”There was a pause.“I really hope you’re not at practice, then.”He leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes to wallow in his misery. “I’m going to die.”There was a loud laugh from the other end. “When you say not wearing shorts, you mean?”Kei fiddled with his hair, his habit of pushing his glasses up impeded by the fact that he was wearing his sports ones. “He wears compression shorts. He’s been wearing compression shorts underneath his volleyball ones for as long as I’ve been on the team. He’s not wearing the shorts.His thighs.” The last part of the sentence was more a pained moan than anything else.Another laugh.Fucker. “Yeah, you’re gonna die.”///OR Tsukki and Kuroo being gross together.





	1. (Please) Touch Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Finally, the third part is here!
> 
> I have no idea what I'm doing
> 
> Please be gentle

There's a couple of things about Kuroo Tetsurou.

He was an insomniac, for one. A caffeine addiction was something he should worry about, but it made sense given the whole being a productive human on the two-to-three hours of sleep he gets on a daily basis. Sleeping with Kei seemed to help, so he made sure to take as many naps with Kuroo as he could.

Kuroo once dyed his hair bright pink on a dare and kept it for a whole month. It was terrible. He has the pictures to prove it. He bribed Bokuto with an owl plushie for them. Kei also gave a matching one to Akaashi after noticing how much he kept glancing at Bokuto’s that one afternoon they all managed to pile up in Kuroo’s apartment.

It was cute, whatever.

Kuroo loves hazelnut coffee, Kei, Kenma and Bokuto, and having someone play with his hair; the order varies from day to day.

On the hair petting: It's not like his hair could be messed up more than it was usually and it turned Kuroo into a sleepy wobbly mess. Probably thanks to the side of him that was part cat.

What that meant for him, though, was that whenever his boyfriend was near he found himself with a handful of black bedhead that was incredibly thick and soft. It had happened so often since they had gotten together that his fingers searched for the black curls on the nape of his neck or the unruly bangs without thought.

Kei wasn't any better. He had perfected the whole _'Fuck off'_ stare since he was in middle school. Physical contact was a big _fucking_ no.

...Except if you happened to find yourself included on the list of people Kei loved and trusted enough to allow into his personal bubble.

Kuroo fell into that category, and was somehow always warm which worked out perfectly because Kei was always _so fucking cold._ He blamed it on poor circulation. So, putting two and two together,  the obvious next logical step was to plaster himself to Kuroo and leech all the heat he emitted. Obviously. It was science. For survival.

That's how Kei found himself on a Saturday afternoon.

They were on his ugly ass couch, mugs empty on the coffee table and the T.V going off in the background. They had stopped paying attention to it since the beginning, right after they had finished their coffees (a hazelnut concoction Kuroo wanted to try. It was okay).

Snow was falling outside, meaning that Kei was freezing and had scuttled closer to Kuroo.  The other responded by pressing their sides together as much as he could and bumping shoulders before getting up. A small whimper fell from Kei and he was not going to be embarrassed by it. It was cold, nothing else mattered.

A donkey snort followed Kuroo as he left the room. He felt like throwing one of the couch cushions after him, but moved to the warm spot left by Kuroo's butt and curled up pressed against the armrest instead. There was movement from behind him and a shadow loomed over before he was being covered in the fluffiest blanket he owned.

He'd had it since he was fifteen and everyone who came in contact with it wanted to steal it. Tadashi almost succeeded at it once. It was light blue, heavy, warm, and _Kuroo was an angel sent from heavens thank God._

A draft hit him as a corner of the blanket was lifted and a sound of protest crept up his throat, but it went away quickly as Kuroo settled against him.  Kuroo shifted and tucked the blue fabric under his weight, making a shield from the cold. "Is Fluffy okay?", he asked while wrapping his arms around Kei's waist.

Kei huffed. _Of course_. "You are not calling it Fluffy."

Kuroo's forehead rested in the crook of Kei's nape. He could feel the smile pressed against his skin when Kuroo spoke, making him suppress a shiver at the warm breath falling on the sensitive patch of skin. "Blanky was my first choice, but I felt you'd protest."

Kei leaned back into Kuroo, feeling the arms around him tighten at the motion. Kuroo was always so warm. "You have the naming skills of a five year old."

He felt more than heard Kuroo's chuckle. He would never get tired of those, soft and almost inaudible. "It’s adorable."

Kei hummed. "Is that what you tell yourself so you don't cry at how lame you are?"

Pouting was a thing Kuroo did, slightly sticking out his bottom lip and creasing his eyebrows. He’d bet his left leg Kuroo was pouting.  "You think I'm adorable. Admit it."

 _I do_. "You're a pest. A stray cat."

A choked gasp fell from Kuroo's lips. "A stray!? Not even a house cat, Tsukki?"

Kei let Kuroo support all of his weight, getting comfortable. "A lame stray cat. With awful hair."

"You love cats. And my hair."

"Lame." He punctuated it with a tug on the black locks.

The arms snaked around him began to unwind, and the pressure against his back eased. "'Guess I'll go. Strays belong on the street, right?"

The smirk painted across Kuroo's face was present in his mind, even with his eyes closed. Bastard. The sound that came from him was between a whine and a whimper and if asked he would deny it forever. He'd deny the grabby hands, too. "It's cold."

The ' _Warm me up, Tetsu_ ' was implied.

It worked. It always worked.

Kuroo rearranged them so that his back was facing the outside and Kei was curled up against his chest, his hands traveling up and down Kei's back while their legs tangled together, both of them under Fluffy. He suppressed a groan. _I'm never going to be able to not call it Fluffy, am I? Fucking Kuroo._

Kuroo reached up and gingerly took Kei’s glasses off, setting them somewhere where they wouldn’t get crushed or dig painfully on the bridge of his nose. As close as they were all he had to do was whisper. "Better?"

Still, he wasn't cold anymore and Kuroo's hands were on him. He let out a happy sigh, followed by a "Yeah."

Kuroo's fingers kept their dance on his back, warm even through his shirt. They moved slowly, tracing the dips in his spine, the lines of the muscles in his back. Every now and then he would pause their path and lay his palms flat, heat searing through Kei's muscles. Kei's own hands wound against Kuroo's neck and buried themselves in his hair, lightly running his nails against his scalp before brushing it out with his fingers.

Kuroo kept letting out sighs and happy noises, and they kept spurring Kei on even when his eyes closed and all the tension left his body. He was completely gone when one of Kuroo's hands traced all the way to his thigh and started kneading. His body turned to jelly and his hands on Kuroo's hair slowed, now just swaying from side to side lightly.

They stayed that way for what seemed like hours, until it got dark and they drifted off to sleep.

But good things couldn't last.

They were jolted awake by violent hooting. _Fucking Bokuto_.

The infernal screeching came from a vibrating phone on the coffee table. _Fucking Kuroo. Death. Death to all of them._

Kuroo's voice was almost a growl, rough from sleep. "Shit. I forgot. I asked him to call."

That meant Kuroo was going to get up and abandon him. He burrowed closer to the body next to him trying to get as much contact before Kuroo could get up. "Ugh. I hate you. Both."

Kuroo shifted, stretching his legs before even attempting to get up. _Just like a cat_. "I have to go work on a paper and all my research stuff is back at my place."

Tsukki just scowled.

Kuroo pressed a kiss to his collarbone before untangling himself from the mess of limbs. "You have that thing with you study group tomorrow, right? I'll call you awake."

“Fine.” Resigned to braving the cold alone, he closed his eyes and drifted off again.

"Tsukki."

"Tsuuuukki."

"Kei, babe, come on."

"It'll be warmer in bed. Come on, get up."

Something was whispering along his forehead, down his cheekbones. One eye creaked open, a blurry version of Kuroo looking down at him. His hand was cupping his cheek, thumb sliding back and forth. His glasses were gone. _Right. Sleep. Couch._

Kuroo spoke again.

"You'll just wake up in the middle of the night freezing if you stay on the couch. Your million blankets in bed will keep you warm, Sleeping Beauty."

He scowled but he got up anyway, Kuroo leading him with a hand in his lower back to make sure he didn’t trip and fall while Fluffy trailed behind him. When they got to the foot of his bed Kei all but launched himself on the nest of fabrics, wasting no time crawling underneath them.

"Night, Tsukki. I'll call you tomorrow."

Kei didn't even hear the door close, or Kuroo's keys. The only thing he heard were the cat yowls coming from his phone hours later, conveniently plugged by his night table alongside his glasses.

* * *

It didn't feel like much, at first. He barely noticed it, seeing as they were talking things slow.

The first time, they were at Kei's place, like always. They were cuddling on the couch, like always. Kei somehow ended up straddling Kuroo with his tongue down his throat, like always.

It had started soft, Kei placing barely there kisses on Kuroo's shoulder while his fingers tangled on the curls at his nape. He didn't think much of it, something he did unconsciously now. Kuroo loved the attention and returned a couple of kisses of his own, things quickly heating up from there.

Fast forward to Kei kneeling over Kuroo, pushing him back onto the cushions. They kept  leaning forward, capturing each other's lips. It was slow, at first, just enjoying the feel of each other, exploring teeth and tasting tongues. His hands traveled over the expanse of Kuroo's clothed chest, feeling the hard muscle underneath. Kuroo sighed out little moans and encouraging noises, his hands rubbing languidly over Kei's thighs all the way up to his hips where both of his tattoos lived.

The one on his left one was new, an unexpected gift from Akaashi. They were hanging out, the four of them, and Akaashi pulled out his sketchbook and ripped out a page, casually handing it to him and telling Kei he had drawn it while thinking of him. It was something Akaashi did, apparently (he had a feeling it had something to do with the owl plushie, though).

It was beautiful. A single firefly, in black and while, all delicate intricate lines, a lot more wings than scientifically accurate but still beautiful. Akaashi hadn’t even meant it as a tattoo, so when Kei asked if he’d be okay with it being a permanent fixture on his skin–over skype no less–Akaashi was shocked to say the least. Well, as shocked as Akaashi could get.

His left hip seemed like the right place, a companion to the crow, a place where winged creatures dwelled. He was saving his back for Yamaguchi’s, anyway.

Kuroo’s hands traced over the lines now, alternating between the delicate strokes of the wings on his right and his left.

He loved Kuroo's hands. They could work magic, the way they knew how hard to grasp, how fast to go, switching from barely there pressure to an iron grip, working his muscles in ways he hadn't imagined. They knew how to make him melt, how to make him burn.

A hard squeeze lit a fire inside Kei, and he tangled his hands on the unruly hair and pulled, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. The moan that broke out of Kuroo should not have  been legal. He pulled again and another moan emerged, the gasp that followed forcing them to break away from each other.

The first time Kei had experienced exactly how much Kuroo loved having his hair pulled, he didn't know what to do with himself. It only added to the fuel that accompanied him at night, or in the shower, adding to images of Kuroo on his knees, that smirk stretched out, lips pink and shiny with spit and come, pale hands gripping his hair and guiding him up and down while he moaned.

He was _very_ well acquainted with that particular train of thought.

The tightness of his pants was just a shy away from painful, and when Kuroo lunged forward to catch Kei's lips again, his hips ground down instinctively, seeking to alleviate some of the pressure in his groin. Kuroo stiffened at the contact, and went still.

His hands shot up to Kei's arms, stopping his motions. "Kei, wait."

Kei did. Kuroo took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. "Let's... stop."

It sounded as if it pained him to say it, but he did. So, they stopped.

Kei hung his head a bit, trying to even his breath and calm the party in his pants."Okay."

He didn't think much about it.

But it kept happening. Time and time again, they would start getting a little hot and Kuroo would stop them when they got close. Kei backed off. He didn't want to make Kuroo uncomfortable, or push past whatever Kuroo wanted to do. Its just that the last couple of times it seemed like...

Like Kuroo didn't like it when Kei touched him. Like he more that didn't like it. He could've sworn Kuroo grimaced. _Grimaced_. At Kei's touch.

There was no way. If he was doing something wrong Kuroo would tell him, right?

They talked about everything, from their past to favorite movies, to how gross Bokuto was when eating ribs.

 _Not everything_.

Okay, so maybe Kei had glossed over some things. It just–he was doing so well. Very light  anxiety now and then, not a single panic attack since the beginning of the year, not a single bad day since even before he and Kuroo started dating.  

_I don’t want to drag up old wounds, and ruin everything._

The familiar tightness in his stomach made him pause. He was not going to overthink himself into an anxious episode. He was not. He'll just cool off for a while. Let Kuroo initiate things, take thing at his pace.

* * *

Apparently Kuroo’s pace could out-slow a sloth.

No. It was fine. He was fine. He didn’t need sex. Or blowjobs. Or any sort of pleasure that didn’t come from his left hand.

He was fine.

Warm water hit his hair, traveling down his nape, releasing the tension in his back. Today's practice had been a notch harder than he was used to. He was keeping up with the drills just fine, his body finally getting the hang of it now that  he was practicing regularly again.

He noticed the difference already, some of the hardness and definition coming back to his physique. Kei had never been bulky, but you don't get to block ‘muscly ass spikers’–as Kuroo and Bokuto  put it– without some strength to back you up.

His performance was not the problem. A certain bedhead was.

Keeping practice low on PDA and treating Kuroo like a just a teammate was usually not difficult. Aside from that stunt on his first practice ( which thankfully most of his teammates had missed, on some sort of miracle), both he and Kuroo had managed to keep their hands to themselves. Locker room etiquette kept things under wraps when they were changing and Kei didn't even shower at the gym after practice, although that was for another set of reasons.

Today's practice was hell. His eyes kept following Kuroo everywhere, the way he jumped, the way he smiled when roughhousing with Bokuto and his eyes crinkled at the corners or how the sweat rolled off his back when he finally overheated and his shirt ended up on the bench, how his eyes were sharp with mirth after a particular good block,  how his arms worked when practicing spikes and he pushed all of his power into slamming the ball onto the other side of the net.

He should be immune to it by now. But of course, he wasn't. Not when he wanted to feel that same power on him, those hands taking him apart and putting him back together again. He was all wound up.

_How would he do it?_

Kei's breath quickened and he used one of his hands for balance on one of the tiled walls, the other lightly tracing his torso going downwards.

Would it be the same as when he was kneading his thighs? Kuroo loved doing that, working the tension the strain of jumping put on the soft flesh. Would it be light, driving him crazy with small touches, or would he grip them tightly, forcing them to be pliant under his touch?

Both, probably.

Would he take those hands and drive them higher, working his cheeks, spreading him?  A moan left him at the thought, his hand hovering over his cock, lost in the fantasy.

Kuroo's mouth was perfect. The right amount of sharp and sweet coating his words and his kisses.  He kissed like a dream. How would it feel like, having that tongue work him open? Taking his time, making sure he could feel everything until he was at the brink, just to pull back. _Fucking tease._

Or maybe he would take that mouth and stretch it over his cock, humming and moaning around it, guiding Kei's hands to bury in his hair, to pull on it, to work himself down his throat. His fist was around him now,  his hips thrusting into it with desperation.

But, he needed more.

It had been a while since he felt the want, the need, to be filled and stretched and _he needed something inside him right now_. Stilling his hips, he reached out for the bottle of lube he kept behind his shampoo for times just like this when all he wanted was to be pinned down and pounded into orgasm. His fingers would have to do.

Pouring some lube onto his hand, he reached back and circled his entrance, teasing the rim before sinking a long digit into himself. He imagined Kuroo behind him, by his ear, whispering all sorts of nonsense while he stretched him open.

_So eager, Tsukki. Do you want to be filled up that bad? Let me help._

Moans and gasps feel freely from his lips now, the sound of the shower drowning most of them out. He worked a second finger into himself, rubbing his walls lightly before curling them, trying to find that spot that would give him what he wanted.

_Look how pretty, all pink. Do you like that, Tsukki? Being stretched open? I bet it’s all for me._

He wanted more.

Working a third digit in, he scissored them, loving the stretch of his walls, the feeling of his fingers filling him. How would it feel like, to have Kuroo inside him, to ride him, to feel all of Kuroo, to shudder and moan as they moved together? To have those hands, and those arms keep him still while he thrust into him? To have Kuroo spill inside him?

His fingers moved faster, jerked harder and curled, finding that spot and making him whine. He was fucking himself on his fingers and he was so , so close. He wanted-  

_You’re going to come, Kei? Just from your ass? Come on then, right on my cock._

He had to brace himself on the towel rack, his knees trying to give out, while he rode wave after wave of pleasure. Finally, he pulled his fingers out, his release all over the tiled wall.

The water was still warm and he stayed under the spray as long as he could, until he felt he could walk steadily again. His muscles were loose, and he felt at ease. With a contented sigh he continued his shower until  he was clean, turning the water off.

Stepping out from the shower, he toweled off, dropped the wet cloth on the hamper and walked over to his room. One of the benefits of  living alone: Clothes were optional.

He walked over to his dresser and surveyed exactly what options he had. The entire drawer he opened was black, with lace and cotton and all sorts of fabrics and patterns. He loved this drawer. It seemed right, after an orgasm like that, to wear something pretty. He pulled out a cotton boyshort with lace at the edges and pulled it on. A long tee from his closet completed his look.

Diving into his bed and under his blankets was heaven. He’d take a nap, then make some dinner and text Kuroo.

That had been good, better than actual sex with some of his previous partners. How good would it be, when he got the actual thing?

He didn’t know when that would be, but if bad got to worse he’d just break out the box of toys that was shoved on the last drawer of his dresser. He was fine.

* * *

He was, in fact, not fine. He was so far removed from the realm of fine, fine was a different continent. A different dimension.

Kuroo was fine.

So very, very fine. Fine and _not wearing his compression shorts._

He was blocking Bokuto, jumping as high as he could, the muscles of his thighs rippling with the effort of each leap, the strength to push his combined muscles against gravity showing on the flashes of tanned skin. He was wearing the small red volleyball shorts. With no compression shorts underneath. His shirt was gone too, because why the fuck not. It’s not like the universe liked Kei anyway, no, the universe wanted to see him suffer.

Kei wanted to die.

Looking away was a thing that he had to do before the stirring in his gut became a very visible problem. _Calm down. I am not getting a boner in the middle of practice. I am not. Fuck, did the shorts just ride up? How are they so short?_

He spent the next hour like that,  head half on the drills he was working on, half on exactly how short that red fabric seemed now that there was nothing underneath it.  If Endo noticed, he said nothing about it and Kei was eternally grateful. He’d have to call King when he was back from China and set up a practice with Endo or something.

Finally, there was a break. He slipped out and headed to the back of the gym, away from prying ears,  and pulled out his phone, calling the one person who had the most experience with battling a boner during practice. The one person who would understand exactly the place he was in right now.

It only took one ring.

“Tsukishima! You’re calling! Why are you calling? Aren’t you at practice?”

“He’s not wearing his shorts.”

There was a pause.

“I really hope you’re not at practice, then.”

He leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes to wallow in his misery. “I’m going to die.”

There was a loud laugh from the other end. “When you say not wearing shorts, you mean?”

Kei fiddled with his hair, his habit of pushing his glasses up impeded by the fact that he was wearing his sports ones. “He wears compression shorts. He’s been wearing compression shorts underneath his volleyball ones for as long as I’ve been on the team. He’s not wearing the shorts. _His thighs_.” The last part of the sentence was more a pained moan than anything else.

Another laugh. _Fucker_. “Yeah, you’re gonna die.”

He sighed, resigned to ask for some semblance of guidance. “What did you do?”

“Eeeeeh?”

“In third year when King got the new  gear, what did you do? How didn’t you die?”

Silence answered back. That was not a good sign.

After a couple of  beats he could hear the defeated sigh from across the line. “Tsukishima…”

A look of horror crossed his face. “Oh God, you didn’t, did you?”

Another sigh. He needed to know. “Hinata.”

The reply came in a defeated voice. “The Karasuno showers have seen things.”

He did not want to think about that. No. That did not happen. He had been naked in those showers. “No. No, I’m better than you. I can do this.”

“Hey!”

His fingers found purchase on his hair. “I just have to not look at him. I’ll think of  Tadashi. Sweet Tadashi. Tadashi looking at me with disappointment at even considering having a boner at practice. I can’t disappoint Tadashi.”

Hinata  yelped. “Gross, Tsukishima! Don’t bring Yama-chan into your boner problems!”

“It’s the only way, I don’t want to fuck _Tadashi’s_ thighs,” he hissed back.

“Yeah, Yacchan might have a problem with that. And Kuroo.” Hinata sounded completely serious. _Dear God._

“Hitoka and Kuroo. But not Tadashi,” he said, amused.

“You know he’ll try everything once.”

Kei stuttered. He did know that. Very well, in fact. “We- We are not having this conversation anymore.”

“Okay! Bye Bonershima! Don’t embarrass yourself in front of your new team!”

Kei definitely wanted to die.

* * *

After a couple of days, and several intense shower sessions starring Kuroo’s thighs, he noticed he was seeing less and less of  his boyfriend. Mid-terms were coming up and  while his workload had at least doubled, it was all stuff he could do at home.

Kuroo had to spend more and more time in the university lab, though, and they had been seeing less of each other. Practice was really the only time he knew he could see Kuroo face to face. There was a weird feeling following him around, and it appeared every time he had to stay up late, or when he was on the couch by himself, or when the black mug went unused.

It was getting colder too, and it snowed every other day. It was cold, too cold, and Fluffy became a permanent fixture.

* * *

The weird feeling had intensified.  He woke up with it, showered with it, went to bed with it. It was hard to explain, hard to understand. That entire week felt _weird_ and when Kei woke up that day, there was a nagging in the pit of his stomach, a slight tremor in his hands.

A small ‘ _Oh_ ’ at how his heart was beating, how he kept asking himself if he had everything.

This feeling he knew.

He still had classes, a couple of  papers to hand in. A guest lecture to attend.

He checked his bag five times, making sure all the assignments were there, properly named and numbered, making sure not to forget. Checked that the lecture was indeed today, where it was, how he would get there, how long it would take, where he would sit, how he would sit–

He texted Kuroo good morning.

Went to class, hoped no one asked him anything and just let him be.

His day was _weird_ . His classes were _weird_. When he got home that evening, Kuroo had not answered back.

Kuroo was brushing him off. At least that was what it felt like, the past week, today, two hours ago, this minute, right now. They were still texting, and they talked when they could.

He could feel his he breath quicken and sat down on his bed, deep breath in, deep breath out. He was probably imagining it.

….Right?

Yeah. Things with Kuroo were great. They were extra gross, even by Bokuto’s standards.

They were fine.

Kuroo was just busy. They both were.

_What if he’s not. He keeps stopping, he doesn’t want me to touch him. Maybe he doesn’t want this anymore and doesn’t know how to end it. It’s not like he has ever ended a serious relationship._

No. He had worked through this. Being  valued by someone you cared about had not correlation with being sexually desirable or involved with them. Someone wanting to fuck him did not mean he they cared about him. The opposite was also true.

He knew this. That was the truth. No matter how he felt, the truth does not change. Not even on days that were _weird_. Deep breaths.

_I showered at practice last week, what if he saw and changed his mind. Or maybe I was too mean. Maybe he misunderstood or-_

Kei closed his eyes. Deep breaths. In and out. There was no need to panic. The shaking of his hands had gotten worse, his heart pounding in his chest. He needed to breathe, to be calm, before it escalated.

_Everything is okay. This is just my anxiety acting up. Things are not as bad as they seem right now. Things make sense now, but they won’t later. Calm down. Breathe. Everything is okay._

_I am worth more than someone wanting to fuck me. Everything is okay_.

Maybe Kuroo wasn’t ready for a physical relationship. That was not a problem. That did not mean that Kuroo didn’t love him. He had his own yard of issues to deal with. He wanted Kuro to be happy and comfortable. He wanted to be happy and comfortable.

He didn’t need that to know that Kuroo loved him. They were gross together.

Kuroo kept him _warm_.

He kept breathing for God knows how long. His stomach was still in knots, but his breaths had evened out and his heart wasn’t pounding as hard. He’d probably get a headache later, but that was manageable. He was okay. Everything was okay.

He stayed that way, breathing in and out, his eyes closed and his back to  the million blankets on his bed until his hands weren’t shaking.Until he felt less weird.

Yowling broke him from his haze and he stretched out his hand to pat around for his phone. He picked up without looking. Deep breath.

“Kuroo.”

“Tsuuuuuki, you answered.”

He sounded happy, as if Kei answering when he called was a surprise. As if Kei didn’t pick up every time he called. He could feel a smile tug at his lips, faint, but there. “Yes. That usually happens when you call someone, they answer.”

He expected something cheeky back, maybe a whine. Instead, he got: “You okay? You sound weird. Did something happen?”

The smile on his face grew a little more. “I’m tired.”

And that was the truth. He was tired. Attacks always made him tired. Maybe he wasn’t being  as truthful as he could be, but this was good for now.

Kuroo sounded sorry, maybe a little wound up with an edge of worry. “Shit. I’ll let you sleep, then. Call me if anything happens. Or if you just want to talk. Or with no reason at all, really.”

His eyes were still closed, the smile still in place, he felt less weird, and he burrowed into the warmth of the blankets.“Okay. Were you calling for anything?”

Kuroo answered right away, confident, sure. “Nah, I just wanted to hear you. Kei?”

“Yeah,” he hummed.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?”

_This week has been weird. Today was bad. I don’t know if you’re not sexually attracted to me, or just not ready, or whatever, and it fucked with my head a little but that’s just because today was a bad day and I miss you. Also because I’m horny as hell. I know you love me.  You don’t know what a bad day sounds like, yet, but you noticed. It’s impressive, really, that I haven’t had one before today.  If you knew you’d be on your way here right now. I feel less weird now. You helped. I love you._

“I know. Thanks for calling, ” he breathed out.  He hoped that said everything.

“Anytime. Go to sleep, Moonshine.”

Kuroo’s response sounded like it did. Kei didn’t even fight the nickname.

* * *

Kuroo made sure to call that night, and the next morning. And every morning and every night that week. The amount of texting was ridiculous. The puns were dumb.  The week was still weird, as all weeks after an attack were, no matter how small. Practices were spent working together.

Bokuto made a lot of appearances that week, and every time he showed up he had a hazelnut coffee for Kei with him. It made him warm.

Slowly, the week stopped being weird. Kuroo kept calling.  

* * *

His hair was almost dry now, the towel he was using to absorb as much moisture as possible from the blond locks was heavy and wet. Throwing it in the hamper, he went over to his room, got dressed. He opened his black drawer, a dash of lace caught his eye and he reached for it. He wore sweats and a long tee to fend off the chill that had started to settle, fluffy socks in town,  and picked up a book to bring to his ugly ass couch.

He was just about to throw himself on the cushions when the doorbell rang, followed by  a series of sharp knocks.  His brows dropped.  That combination could only mean one thing, but Kuroo was busy with some assignments and was going to be working late.

Yet, there he was, when Kei opened the door, in all of his half-dead glory. Kuroo was very good looking, but no person could pull whatever was happening in front of him off, no matter the amount of hotness. He was wearing a snapback. A snapback. It had to be Bokuto’s, there was no way Kuroo owned a snapback. With his hair? In this weather?

How the hell did he fit his hair under there, anyway?

It somehow accentuated the craters underneath his eyes, the exhausted droop of his lids, the slouch.

And yet…

Kei still wanted to kiss him, and hug him. Maybe feed him something and force him to take a nap. He wanted to take off that ridiculous thing on his head.

There stood Kuroo, grinning like an idiot. “Hey. We haven’t been able to meet lately, so I thought I’d sneak out and drop by. You busy?”

He had a couple of articles to read, but those could wait until tomorrow and he wasn’t about to turn down whatever this was. He moved away from the door and walked back to the couch to pick up the book he had left behind, a silent invitation for Kuroo to let himself in.

“Not really. Tired?”

Kuroo walked in, shutting the door behind him before setting down his bag  on the floor. The second his jacket was off and in the rack, he threw himself onto the couch. An arm immediately went to rest over his eyes, a sign they were probably as tired as the rest of him. “My lab was hell. The tests were hell. On top of everything else, we had to supervise a couple of first year’s labs as part of our grade. A little surprise from Kando.”

“Is that the asshole one?”

“What gave it away? My joy at being forced to be in his presence, or the fact that he is an actual literal demon.”

Kei hummed. “Actual literal demons are university chem teachers, good to know.”

He was about to go to the kitchen, get some coffee going, but a hand on his wrist stopped him. “I missed you.”

Kuroo pulled him down on top of him. “So much, Tsukki.”

Kuroo kept rubbing his cheek on Kei’s chest  while his hands patted his back. Kei bit back a chuckle and finally pried off the insult on Kuroo’s head  to run his fingers through his hair, working out the tangles gently. He missed this. _I missed you, too. It’s always too cold without you._

Kuroo just sighed. “Ah, that’s the stuff. “

It was slow and soft and he felt like he was melting, having Kuroo against him after days of not being able to just relax together. _Ugh. When did we get so domestic?_

But of course, good things couldn’t last.

Kei paused. “Are-are you sniffing me?”

Kuroo didn’t bother stopping, he just buried his nose in the dip where Kei’s collarbone met his neck. “Did you just shower? You smell nice.”

Kei just sighed. “You know, just because I call you an animal doesn’t mean you have to act like one.”

But Kuroo didn’t take the bait. Instead, he burrowed closer to Kei’s chest, held him tighter.“Can I crash here tonight?”

His brow furrowed in confusion. Kuroo had an insane workload, which was why they hadn’t been seeing each other as much. He leaned back as much as he could seeing as Kuroo was intent on becoming a boa constrictor. “Sure, but don’t you have an exam and like two papers?”

Kuroo just tried to tug him closer. “I brought everything with me. Don’t wanna go home.”

 _Okay? Is Bokuto in one of his loud moods?_  “Why?”

“You aren’t there.”

He had to take a second. He needed a moment, a deep breath, anything to not combust from the amount of squeezing going on in his chest.

“Kuroo.”

“Hmm?”

“That was very gay.”

“ _You’re_ very gay,” Kuroo fired back.

Kei sunk his fingers deeper on the black locks, free of tangles at last and relished the sound that came out of Kuroo. “Well, you’re not wrong.”

Kuroo’s laugh barely shook him with how weak it was, tired and stale.

“Sleep. You look dead, I’ll wake you in an hour or two and then you can work on your stuff.”

Kuroo’s eyes fluttered closed, his reply nothing more than a mumble.“Moonshine, love you.”

Slow and even breaths were his cue to carefully pry Kuroo’s arms off of him and lift himself off the couch, his feet carrying him to the bedroom to find light blue fabric, an extra blanket and a couple of pillows.

When Fluffy–fuck Kuroo for that, by the way–was securely wrapped around the sleeping lump on the couch, he gingerly placed a pillow under his head. He laid the extra pillows on the floor, between the coffee table and the couch, grabbed his book, and wrapped the extra blanket around him before settling back against the side of the couch that had black tufts of hair peeking out from light blue fabric.  

He let Kuroo sleep three hours before waking him, and even then he hesitated. Kuroo always got so little sleep. He managed to make some food for both of them, Kuroo eating an insane amount as per usual and griping at Kei about his portion.

He tried staying up with him as much as he could, him on his nest on the floor with his book while Kuroo worked on the couch. He called it quits after the third time he nodded off, and gave Kuroo a kiss goodnight before slipping under the million-sans two-blankets on his bed.

It could have been forever, as much as he could tell, before there was a dip on the bed and a weight settled next to him. “Kuroo?”

“We’re snowed in. Classes were canceled.” This followed by a muffled groan than sounded a lot like _‘thank fuck_ ’.

Auto pilot moved him to curl against the body next to his, falling back to sleep.

He woke later, when the light had shifted and it fell in soft waves around his room. It bounced off of Kuroo’s face, his cheekbones, where he rested against the headboard. The sound of rhythmical typing slowly bringing him awake. He was close enough that the light of Kuroo’s laptop illuminating the front of one of Kei’s shirts on Kuroo’s frame wasn’t as blurry as it should have been without his glasses.

“Did you get any sleep?” His voice sounded groggy, rough.

Kuroo answered without looking over. “A couple of hours. You were out like a light.”

Kuroo’s hair looked damp, and it smelled faintly of his shower gel. _Kuroo took a shower, then. Explains my clothes._

The sight brought a strange feeling along. Kuroo in his clothes, smelling of him, in his bed. There was a warm feeling in his chest and a slight stirring in his gut. He ignored them both and sat up, reaching for his glasses _._

Kuroo turned to him now, a small smile on his face. He looked better, a lot better. Less worn out, the bags under his eyes still there but not taking over his face. His eyes were soft, but not tired.  “The power’s out, so I have like twenty minutes before this shuts off.”

Kei glanced over at where his laptop was plugged over by the opposite nightstand.“Mine was plugged, but I need the internet to get any work done.”

It was amazing, what a shower and some rest could do for Kuroo, mischief shining in his eyes. “So,” he drawled, “we ditch?”

Kei shrugged.“Pretty much.”

The power was out but the heat was still working, so even with the cold weather Kei was warm and toasty–a miracle–while laying in his million blankets, now with Fluffy and the other nondescript one back in the mix.

Taking advantage of the superior level of comfort and the last dregs of proper lighting before the darkness that came with an extended power outage took over, the book he’d been wanting to read took priority. He could be reading the articles for class but they had already agreed to be irresponsible. Even Kei procrastinated every now and then.

The book was pretty nice. A spy, betrayed by her government and sent on an impossible mission with the expectation that she would die discovers that she has been crossed, only to fake her death while gaining information on how to get revenge for her betrayal and enters a torrid relationship with a superior officer from the country she infiltrated.

“Tsukki.”

Obviously, she was using the officer for protection while having a clandestine affair with his secretary. It was blatant, even when he was only halfway through.

“Tsuuuukki.”

She would probably use the officer’s influence to slip back into her country unnoticed and set her plan for revenge in motion. The officer would uncover the truth. She’d kill him. The lesbian lover would die in the crossfire.

_Tragic._

A contented sigh left his lips. It was nice to just do nothing together for a while.

“Moonshine, I’m booooored. Pay attention to me.”

Kuroo had thrown himself onto Kei’s lap, somehow avoiding the open book, rubbing his head on Kei’s ‘tummy’–fuck kuroo for that, as well– and speaking into the fabric of his shirt. Slapping his book closed, he looked down at Kuroo with a fake annoyed glare. “I forgot I adopted a very annoying cat.”

Annoyance, even fake one,  didn’t last long after seeing how Kuroo’s eyes lit up at his remark. His voice went into a higher pitch, his eyes wide. “I’m not a stray anymore? Tsuuuukki!”

_That should not make him this happy._

But it did make him happy. So happy, in fact, that he slung an arm around Kei’s neck and pulled him down into a sloppy kiss, meeting him halfway. It lasted nothing, a couple of seconds at most, and Kuroo pulled back with a tiny wet _pop_ and grinned a small gap away from Kei’s lips.

It was infectious, like a virus worming it’s way under his skin, traveling through his bloodstream and oozing out of his pores when Kuroo smiled like that. He couldn’t help the corners of his mouth lifting to mirror the mirth in Kuroo’s face as much as he couldn’t help that he was blond. It just happened.

Kuroo knelt up from Kei’s lap to press another kiss, and another, and another and one more until they the heat caught up with them and they were both panting. Kuroo wrapped his arms around Kei’s neck again and let himself fall back, pulling Kei down on top of him on the bed, the million blankets cushioning their fall.

It was nice. There were many other words to describe the feeling but it was the only thing he could think of when talking about how it felt to be wrapped around each other, hands gently, slowly, traveling each other’s arms and backs and necks and chests and legs and just being enveloped in warmth and he felt so _loved_ . Like Kuroo was whispering _I love you_ to every place he touched, marvelling at his body. It was so _nice._

He was so _hard_.

It was insane, the reaction Kuroo got out of him.

Also being extra horny for weeks, but, yeah, Kuroo. Mostly.

There is only so much maneuvering one can do when on top of each other until someone’s boner pokes someone else.  

And there it was again. Kuroo stiffened at the contact and stayed that way. Kei held himself still, waiting for Kuroo to either relax or ask them to stop but he did neither.

He lifted himself off Kuroo. He tried keeping his face neutral, but the flush crawling up his face was defeating the purpose. "Okay, what's going on?"

Kuroo had on what Kei had started calling ‘ _shifty eyes_ ’. "What do you mean."

Kei just sighed. _Does he really think I haven't noticed?_

Kei straightened up so that he was kneeling, looking at Kuroo head on. If Kuroo was going to be less than one hundred percent on board and enthusiastic with whatever they did, he wanted no part of it. "Listen, if you don't want to, we don't have to do anything. I’m happy with this.”

Kuroo took pause at that, looking down at his lap. "It's not that I don't _want_ to."

 _What does that mean?_ He gave Kuroo a confused look. "Then?"

There was a pause and Kei slapped Kuroo's thigh to get him going.

“I just kinda–” Kuroo winced–“did something. That I didn’t tell you about.”

And then he shut up. Not even a peep. Zero. Zilch. Nada. No.

Kei leaned back even more, knees pressing against Kuroo’s thighs with force.

“You have to say something else because that sentence right now is not the best idea.”

Kuroo looked embarrassed at that, flush creeping all the way down to his chest.

“Shit, I’ll just show you, just, you know how I got my tongue pierced? And how I’ve been a little iffy about anything physical lately–Which, by the way, has been amazing, I mean holy shit-”

“Kuroo.” This was not the time to for Kuroo spiral off.

Kuroo let out a breath he had been holding and shoved his–Kei’s– sweats down, and it was all he could do to see if his jaw hadn’t unhinged. A wave of heat crawled up his spine, golden eyes glued straight ahead while his fingers clenched and unclenched.

“Yeah, so that wasn’t the only thing I got pierced.”

Nestled among dark curls was Kuroo’s half-hard cock, metal glistening against skin. Kei bit his lip down, holding back a moan. Kuroo didn’t seem to notice and just kept talking. “It was still pretty sensitive, and I kept pushing you off since it was still healing and volleyball made it take longer and we’re taking things slow and I didn’t know how you’d react or-”

“Can I suck you off?” Kei interrupted him, not listening to a word Kuroo said after the sweats were gone.

There was a moment of silence, and Kuroo finally looked down to where Kei’s eyes were glued to his crotch. His tone was half amazement, half relief. “Oh. _Oooh_. You like it.”

Kei nodded absentmindedly and leaned back down. His hands crawled slowly up and down Kuroo’s naked thighs, pausing every now and then to squeeze the muscles beneath them. He heard a broken breath, saw the twitch of muscles underneath tan skin.

It seemed like Kuroo’s switch had been flipped at Kei’s approval.

“Fuck Kei,” he stretched out, hand brushing through blond locks and cupping his cheek, bringing his gaze back up,”do you have any idea what you look like right now?” Kuroo’s thumb pressed down on the corner of his bottom lip and yeap there was definitely some extra moisture there. “You’re drooling.”

He would be embarrassed about that, but he honestly could not find it in himself to care about anything other than the fact that his very hot boyfriend was now fully hard and pierced and _holy shit he doesn’t hate it when I touch him, it wasn’t that, he was just being Kuroo and an idiot and we are so having a conversation later because we both need to communicate better but-_

He felt hazy, unable to look away. Kuroo’s eyes were smoldering, competing with the flames licking at the pit of his stomach, asking for more. Kei licked his lips.

“I want it in my mouth,” he swallowed and looked back down at Kuroo’s cock, all attention on the silver beads adorning the underside of his shaft, “can I?”

Kei knew he had a thing for Kuroo’s piercings, but this. He reached out to touch it, fingertips ghosting over the barbells, continuing to the skin twitching beneath it. It was hot, too hot, and honestly all he wanted was that heady taste on his tongue. “Please?”

There was a whimper from above him, followed by a rough, “Fuck yes. Anything you want.”

That was all he needed.

* * *

He had been scared Kei would be put off by the piercings on his frenum but now, gripping the sheets and trying not to thrust violently into the mouth working him, he could admit he was so very wrong about that. Abysmally wrong.

People had lots of talents. He didn’t know sucking dick was one of Kei’s, but you learn new things every day.

_Thank every single god in existence for allowing this to happen._

A hard suck made his hips jerk upwards involuntarily and Kei’s hands on his tights hardened. The blond pulled off and started mouthing on the soft skin of his groin, biting and sucking until he was sure he would be littered with purple bruises for days. The thought made him choke back a moan.

There was a long wet stripe all the way to his navel, followed by the sting of teeth. He hissed at the pain but there was a cool tongue easing it just as fast. It was on the edge of where the waistband of his shorts usually lay and if it rode down the tiniest bit there would be a very visible bite mark for all to see. That probably shouldn’t make him as hot as it did.

Actually, fuck that.

That should absolutely make him as hot as it did, seeing as Kei was just as enthusiastic leaving them behind. _Kei’s_ mark. On _him_.

He couldn’t hold back the moan that followed, and he really didn’t try. “Oh god, Jesus fuck."

Kei’s hands went from his thighs up to his chest, letting them linger on his stomach while pulling his shirt further up. Why was he still wearing that, again?

It seemed Kei had the same idea, when he detached from where he was working another bruise onto Kuroo’s skin and just said, “ _off_.”

It took him around two seconds to comply.  

This left a lot more places for Kei to bite and suck and touch and he was _losing_ it. One of his hands went to the headboard he was propped up against while the other gripped at the sheets beneath him.

Kei returned to his cock, placing a kiss on the head before licking a stripe from the bottom of the shaft all the way to the two curving pieces of metal beneath the glans. He stopped there, laving attention on the piercings and Kuroo was going to die. They were recently healed, finally giving way to at least letting him jerk off comfortably, but they were still _so_ sensitive.

He wondered if he was strong enough to dent the headboard. With the way he was gripping it, it wouldn’t surprise him.

Kei moved off the ladder on his shaft, using one of his hands to keep jerking him, while his mouth swallowed his head, stopping to bob shallowly on it. He had built up a rhythm and Kuroo felt like he could do it, he wasn’t going to come right away and ruin the fun, but then Kei changed beats and swallowed him down whole.

He hadn’t been exactly silent before, but he was sure the sound that came out of him could qualify as a shout. It was so good, Kei was so good.

He was between Kuroo’s spread legs, the sweats that he had been wearing tossed away somewhere, one hand on Kuroo’s inner thigh, another playing with his balls, occasionally straying to press on his perineum, fully clothed and eyes darting between the task in front of him and Kuroo’s eyes.

He didn’t think Kei even noticed how he was rutting half on the bed, half on Kuroo’s leg, trying to get some relief.

He slid his hands on Kei’s hair, down his cheek and made him still. “Hey.”

When Kei looked up he said,“Let me take care of you, too.”

He had to suppress a shiver at the sound that Kei moving off his cock made, but he stayed strong. He wanted to touch Kei, too. He started by pulling him in for a kiss, letting his hands wander underneath the shirt covering pale skin to pull it off, leaving them both shirtless.

“That’s better.”

His fingers dipped  under the waistband of Kei’s sweats without looking, his attention solely on littering the chest in front of him with kisses, breaking only when Kei moved back to step out of the pants.

He stopped. There was not enough oxygen in the room or in the planet and he was not breathing and not breathing was a bad thing because you need oxygen for your body to function but maybe he didn’t need it because he was dead obviously and _Kei was in lace–_

Noticing his lack of everything, Kei was the first to speak up. His left hand played with a frilly edge, running over the delicate fabric. “You were right. They are all black.”

Kuroo couldn’t help but let out a laugh at that. “Are you real? Holy shit.”

Once Kei was  only clad in the black miracle, he kneed his way over. He gripped Kei’s hips, stopping him before he could plaster himself to Kuroo, his thumbs stroking the black lines of his tattoos.

“I wanna see,” he murmured, enamoured with the sight.

This could not be real. It couldn’t be this good. Tetsurou did not have this kind of luck.

He did not somehow land Tsukishima Kei in all of his glory even with Kuroo’s shit personality and then was gifted with the fact that _‘yeah your boyfriend is a fucking rad person who is also very gorgeous with legs to die for and a bitable ass and  with top tier cocksucking skills and he wears frilly wonderful things like it’s no big deal. Oh, and he has tattoos, too, because why wouldn’t he?_ ’

His face was pink, flush reaching all the way down to his chest, his lips swollen, shiny and red. His chest lifting and dropping rapidly to match his breathing, a trail of sparse blond hair leading down to where pale skin met black, low enough that most of his tattoos were visible. The lace did a poor job of hiding the bulge of Kei’s arousal, red and straining on the fabric. It looked delicious.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he had the thought, the image of covering the black lines and the soft feathers in sticky white, drowning them in himself. That particular thought made him pause, cheeks burning.

When he had looked his fill, he finally asked. “Can I touch you?”

He looked away from the ink to take in Kei,  finding nothing but a leaking cock and  eyes filled with absolute desperation.

“ _Please._ ”

Oh yes. Okay. That was _thing_ for him. Good to know.

He hated to see the lace go, but there would be time for ogling later. At least he hoped.

Listen, dicks are dicks. However, looking down at Kei’s arousal, swollen and red, standing against his stomach surrounded by blond curls, he felt life had some sort sense.

Of course he had a pretty cock.  

He sighed, reaching to lower the panties to mid-thigh so that he could wrap his fingers around Kei. That earned him a breathless gasp. He thumbed to head to gather some precome and jerked.

A choked gasp, a moan, rough and just _perfect._

“ _Tetsurou._ ”

He wanted to burn that sound on to his brain, his bones, his soul, to sear it in his  very being so that it would be the very first thing he heard when woke up, before he managed to grasp those few hours of sleep, to dream with it, to make it his.

It was _his_ name on Kei’s lips. That sound was _for him_ . He made _that_ happen.

And he understood, finally, why he was adamant about waiting at first. This, at the beginning, when he was navigating what it was like to love someone else, to love someone who loved you back, would have would have drowned him, wrecked him. Even now his lungs felt full, his chest expanded to the fullest, every breath burning.

“What do you want, Kei? Anything you want. Just tell me.”

It really was anything Kei wanted, he would give him everything and anything if it meant being the one responsible for the look in his eyes, the sounds spilling from his tongue.

His answer coincided with a press of Kuroo’s thumb to his slit and it came out on a moan.“ _Your thighs_.”

He thought back to a couple of weeks back, when he had misplaced his compression shorts. A smirk crawled up his face and he leaned in further, until he was breathing by Kei’s ear and he did what he did best.

“What about them, Kei? They’re all marked up now, you did quite a number on them. I won’t be able to change at practice without showing off how much you like them. Maybe I should only wear my red shorts, the ones you like, so everyone can see your marks when I jump or when I go for a dig.  Is that what you want, to put your pretty cock between my thighs and fuck them?”

A shudder shook Kei’s spine, his eyes half-lidded and staring at the red and purple hickies littering the inside of Kuroo’s thighs, his navel, the spark of metal on soft skin. Kuroo’s hand kept working him through it, grip light, enough to keep him hard but not enough to get him there.

“ _Yes_ ,” Kei  hissed back.  

Oh. Okay. So that was _thing_ for Kei. Good to know.

Again, he pulled Kei along with him as he lay on his back. It wasn’t the most comfortable of positions, but he was bendy and it would work. He wanted– _needed_ – to see Kei’s face when he finally fell apart.

“Where’s your lube?”

“Bedside drawer,” Kei answered while dragging the lace off his legs.

He flung the drawer open and fished a bottle out, not wasting time to uncap it and dribble some in him his hand, some more on his thighs. He spread his legs apart, reaching for Kei between them and slicking him up.

Kei hissed at the contact, lids sliding shut. Kuroo just grinned and pulled him closer by the hip. He waited until Kei had positioned himself against the back of his thighs, legs in the air, Kei’s hands running up and down his skin.

“You ready?”

Kei leveled a look at him, gripping his legs together and pushing them towards Kuroo’s chest. He could feel where the head was rubbing against him, hot and slick from the lube.

“I’ve been wanting to fuck you thighs for over a month.” And then he thrust.

The first drag of his cock over Kuroo’s sack made him shudder. Kei had good ideas. This was a fantastic idea.

Kei worked himself in slow, letting his cock reach further and further with each motion.  He could feel it press down on his sack and all the way to his shaft, pulling moan after moan out of both of them.

And then Kei’s tip hit the piercings.

The jolt made him tighten his legs involuntarily and pulled a long drawn-out moan out of him, stealing a groan out of Kei in return.

“Fuck, Kei, do that again.”

He did.

It didn’t take much, after that. Kei kept hitting his piercings, letting the head of his cock drag over them. They were flush, ass to hips, as if Kei was really fucking him and that thought, combined with Kei’s perfect thrusts, drove him over the edge hard and fast.

Kei kept up his rhythm while he rode his climax out, slowing down when it was over. Before Kei could disentangle himself, Kuroo spoke up.“Don’t stop.”

Kei made sure to look at him in the eye. Then, he asked,“you sure?”

Kuroo nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, yes–fuck–keep going.”

Kei took over his legs, wrapping one arm around them tight and bringing them to his chest to use as anchor. His thighs felt trembly and he was boneless but Kei had that covered. Every thrust kept hitting his already overly sensitive flesh, causing the muscles in his stomach to ripple with every movement, a hard jerk whenever Kei would hit the piercing.  

It was over with a hard thrust, followed by several smaller jerks of Kei’s hips and the most delicious moan he had ever heard in his life.  Kei buried his face in Kuroo’s legs when he came, which was a  shame but Kuroo’s orgasm had melted all the fight out of him. There was always next time.

Kei let go of Kuroo’s legs, and he let them fall, settling on either side of Kei, who had dropped on top of him.

He brought his hands up to run up and down Kei’s back, into his hair, murmuring nonsense into his ear while they came down from the high–how he had been _so good, so good Tsukki, the best, so fucking gorgeous, I love you_ –and pressing kisses on the column of his neck.

His breathing more even, Kei hoisted himself up and kissed him. It was sweet, and deep, and the kind you give someone you love when you’ve just fucked each other out. Kuroo had never had one of those.

There was come all over Kuroo’s abs and dick, he was sweaty, and Kei was kind of heavy, but it was good, so he  just lay there content until Kei reached out and grabbed one of their–Kei’s–discarded shirts to clean them up before rolling over next to him.

Once they had cooled off a bit and the chill started to creep in, Kei curled himself to Kuroo’s side, one of his legs slotted between his. He grabbed some of the blankets they had moved aside and threw it over himself.

Kuroo noticed the black lace panties had ended up nearby, and he picked them up, twirling them on his finger before letting them fly off.

“How did I not notice these before?”

Kei looked over and  shrugged. “I don’t wear them when we have practice, and my pants hadn’t come off otherwise.” That seemed to remind him of something else, so he cleared his throat to get Kuroo’s attention. “So… You pierced your dick.”

They had skipped that part of the conversation earlier, so he guessed this was coming. _Ha, coming. Stop. Concentrate._ “Yeah. I, uh, kinda did.”

Kei huffed, wiggling around and twisting the blankets over him into a cocoon. “No ‘kinda’ about it, there is definitely metal on your dick. “

_Well, then._

“Yes, there is.” Now that it was all done and over with the truth came out easier. "Besides the whole healing thing, I was scared that you wouldn’t like it and like, it’s my dick, Tsukki. I really want you to like my dick. So I kept putting it off.”

Afterglow was like a truth serum, apparently.  Softer, he added. “It was terrifying, thinking you might not like something about me. It’s different, when the person you’re with means something to you. I just froze up.”

“I think,” Kei started hesitantly, “it’s your body to do stuff with. I love you, so I’ll like your body, whatever you choose to do with it. Like my tattoos, right? If I know you like it, I’ll like it too?”

Then, he added.

“And for the record, I like the one on your tongue. A lot. I like the new one, too. ”

Kuroo snorted at that. “I’ll say."

He was sure Kei could feel the vibrations of it where his chest was pressed to Kuroo’s in the pile of blankets they were laying on. Kei's enthusiasm at his new piece of jewelry was going into his Tsukki Hall of Fame.

In a slower tone than before, something akin to molasses, Kei continued. “Could’ve told me, you know. For a while I thought you didn’t like it.”

“Didn’t Like what?”

“Me touching you.”

 _In what dimension?_ Kuroo sighed at that. He would feel guilty about doing anything to worry Kei tomorrow, when he wasn't naked and stupidly happy. Now, he would just hold Kei.  “I'm sorry. Touch me, like, whenever. Please.”

“Mkay. Will do.”

“What about you? With the lingerie? I’m..." _Awed. Floored. Flabbergasted. Ascending to a higher plane of existence. Grateful to have been born on this earth._ "...curious.”

Kei stiffened at that, and silence settled over them. There were small circles being drawn over his hipbones still, so he knew Kei was still awake and thinking. He waited, eyes tracing over the circles on his skin. It took seven slow circles for Kei to speak up.

“Honestly, I didn’t think you’d see them today, seeing as this whole thing–” the circle drawing hand waved around to encompass them–”was unplanned. It’s not a sex thing, if that’s what you’re asking. I don’t wear them to– I just, do. They make me feel nice.”

Kei stopped and Kuroo could tell he was hesitating, debating whether or not to tell him, to trust him. He just kept quiet and waited for Kei to decide.

“I don’t always feel nice. About my body. Black looks really nice, I think. The tattoos, too. I like them, they’re something beautiful on my skin. You’ve, ah, seen the marks. I don’t like them. That’s why; They’re pretty and I like how I feel in them, they… make _me_ feel _pretty_. Which is dumb becau–”

A grunt of protest launched itself from Kuroo’s throat before he even had a chance to fully process his actions, making Kei pause. He looked down to where Kei was hiding his face in his chest. Even in the low light he could see the pink glow of his ears. “It’s not.”

Kei kept quiet.

“It’s not dumb," he continued, prompting Kei to keep going. Kei's face turned further into Kuroo's chest, as if to hide completely and the sight made his stomach drop a little.

“...You don’t think it’s weird?”

And there it was, again; that pause, that tone, that told him someone had thought it was weird before and felt completely okay with letting his blond know. It always lit a small pit of rage in his gut. Someone had the fucking honor of being allowed to see Kei wearing something that he liked, that made him feel good, something private. He wished he could hunt them down and cobble them.

Shifting so that they were pressed closer together, he tightened the arm around Kei’s waist, hand tracing over the purple and silvery stretch marks that lined his hips, his back. He had noticed them before, the color standing out against the pale tone of Kei’s skin. They made sense; Kei was close to two meters before he was eighteen. There were more on his thighs, result of those long legs, and along his ribs.

Kei was beautiful, and this part of him was too. But that’s not what Kei need to hear right now. Later, he’d make it his mission to kiss every single mark, every inch of skin.

“That you like pretty things? No. Like you told me literally minutes ago, if it’s something that you like and makes you feel nice, then it’s not dumb or weird of anything of the sort. Also, you look amazing in them. Like, incredible, ' _religious experience just being in your presence_ ' amazing.”

Silence fell again, and Kuroo began to worry his lips between his teeth. _Shit. Did I fuck up? Should I not have said that? Great job at bringing your dick into a serious conversation!_

“Tsukki?” He really wished Kei would say something  before he bit his lip raw.

“I’m really happy that _you_ love me.” It came out muffled against his chest, barely audible to Kuroo’s ears.

And this. This is what Tetsurou wanted, more than anything. Not the sex, or the orgasms. Finger tips drawing circles on end, skin flush against skin with moonlight streaming through the window making patterns on the bed, warm breath crashing against his collarbone, and Kei. The intimacy felt like a lump in his throat and he prayed that he could breathe through it. _Thank you for letting me. Thank you for loving me back. Jesus, don’t cry Tetsurou._

He buried his face in blond locks and pressed kisses to the top of Kei’s head. There was a hum of approval from the cocoon of blankets, and he couldn’t help the smile that painted itself on his face. Half of him wanted to point out _he_ was supposed to be the sap in their relationship, but it felt wrong to give that back to the earnest tone that had coated Kei’s words.

He just settled for a quiet “Good, cause it ain’t going away. You’re stuck with me.”

The blond just murmured something low before he placed a butterfly kiss on whatever skin was closest and curled on himself some more, using Kuroo’s chest as a pillow. Kuroo didn't fall asleep right away. He laid there, warm and loose until the lull of Kei's breathing made his eyelids slide shut.


	2. And Things Suck (For a while)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenma comes back. Chaos ensues, plus a little past and TsukiHina friendship with 30% more plot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has mentions of homophobia so if you don't want to see that just skip from: "Tsukishima Kei was a dick." to: "(He needed a gift for Akiteru..."
> 
> Again, I have no idea what I'm doing.

**DASHI[3:04AM]** >> Itf done

 **DASHI[3:04AM]** >> Its

 **DASHI[3:04AM]** >> Tsukki!!

 **DASHI[3:04AM]** >> !!

 **DASHI[3:04AM]** >> I cant believe its done

 **DASHI[3:05AM]** >> Im booking the studio

 **DASHI[3:05AM]** >> ur coming on break right?

* * *

 If he had to make a list of the people he loved it would probably end up somewhere in the single digits. Kei was there, as was Kenma and Bokuto. Akaashi, too, although that was fairly new. His sister Yuuko, obviously. His mother, maybe. The jury is still out on that one.

 He had loved Kenma the longest. It was the kind of love that required no effort, and even now, when Kenma was God knows how many miles away, it stayed stronger than ever. Kenma was his family.

 It made sense he would lose his mind when the news of his return broke. Which is _exactly_ why Kenma had told Tsukki, and not him, first.

 “I just can’t believe it. Betrayed. Stabbed in the back. By both of you. Treasoned.”

 “First of all, treasoned is not a word–” Kei let his hands rest on the wheel, not looking at Kuroo while he drove–”second of all, if he had told you ahead of time you and Bokuto would have made a huge ‘surprise’ welcome party or something.”

 A shocked gasp followed the thud of his hand violently hitting his chest. “I would have not!”

 Kei just kept quiet next to him, silent derision surrounding them both as he took the exit leading them to the airport.

 “Alright,” he conceded, “there would have definitely been a party, but that’s what I’m here for!”

 Kei still didn't look at him, and him being such a stickler for driving properly should have not been _cute_. It's basic road safety. Kei gripped the steering wheel lightly with both hands to turn and _why is he cute? He's just driving, Tetsurou._

 The blond scoffed, and the corner of his lips pulled up into a small smirk. “To provide embarrassment and discomfort to your loved ones?”

 “Yes! See, now you’re getting it.” He had to. It was his duty. _Ha, duty._

 Kei continued as if he had never spoken. “I would have found out anyway, after he told Hinata. Shorty can’t keep anything to himself.”

 “At which point, you should have told me! Boyfriend privilege.”

 “I’d rather not have Kenma murder me in my sleep," Kei deadpanned.

 He scoffed.“He wouldn’t.”

 Kei just leveled him with a stare. Then he smiled, beautiful, in that cruel way of his. “Honestly, I just like Kenma and wanted to piss you off. It was win-win”

  _I love you._ He just nodded. “That’s fair.”

 Then, Kei's smile just grew, his eyes back on the road. He spoke casually, as if discussing the weather. “It’s not like you didn’t send Bokuto running around, setting things up for a party the second I told you where we were going.”

 His blood froze in his veins. When Kei had showed up not two hours ago, Akiteru's car keys in hand and nothing but a ' _Get in the car, Tetsu_ ', he had absolutely no idea what was happening. Kei didn't like driving, and it's not like he had anywhere to be that a train couldn't take them to, so what the hell was going on?

 About fifteen minutes and a stoplight in, he had turned and said "If you freak, I'm kicking you out and going by myself." He took a deep breath. "We're going to the airport to pick up Kenma , his flight arr–"

 Needless to say, he freaked.

 Kei didn't kick him out, but he guessed that had something to do with not wanting to carry Kenma's heavy bags by himself. After the necessary screeching, the ' _Oh my god_!', and the ' _How did I not know about this_!', he had managed to make Kei stop at a gas station with the excuse of getting Kenma some snacks for the road since he got angsty on long car rides that involved the highway.

 He was so sure he had pulled it off, sneaking that call to Bo–

 Kei broke his train of thought, his tone turning amused. “And it’s not like I didn’t send Akaashi over right before we left to run interference and to make sure everything isn’t a mess.”

 His chest expanded, a content feeling spreading. “You're evil. I love you.”

 Kei hummed. “I know.”

 It wasn’t long before they were pulling up at the parking space, Kuroo sprinting out of the car before Kei could even fully stop it. He could feel Kei’s sigh of resignation, but just kept going until his feet carried him over to arrivals. Kenma was back. He was going to get off the plane and then he was going to be back, here in the same city as him and Kuroo would actually get to see him and not talk to a screen–

 Kenma was coming home.

 He was not going to cry. It was just a plane ride. Just a plane ride that was going to bring Kenma home after a full year– a whole 365 days plus change– of being gone and _not here_. He was finally going to be able to pester him with love advice until he made the scrunchy face, and rub his and Kei's superior relationship in his and Tora's face–

 He stopped. Kenma and Tsukki got along, right? There is no way Kenma would tell Tsukki he was arriving even before telling him, or Tora, if the didn't. Why wasn't Tora here?

 A flash of blonde caught his eye and he spun to face it, face restless. "Tsukki, why isn't Tora here?"

 Kei looked up from his phone, hip cocked on the wall, his free hand pulling out his new headphones from his bag. "It's a surprise. Yamamoto thinks he's arriving tomorrow."

 Without thinking, Kuroo pulled his earphones from his pocket and started untangling them. "Oh. Tsukki?"

 Kei eyes were glued back to his phone, hand diving back into his bag. "Yes, Kuroo?"

 When the cords were fully untangled, he walked over to Kei, leaned on the wall with his front facing the gate and offered the end of his earphones to Kei before placing the left one in his ear. "How long have you been talking to Kenma?"

 Kei sneered, hand finally pulling the blue splitter from his bag. "With or without you?"

 That smile. He knew that smile. "Oh no. No, nonononono, this is terrible. You're going to team up. I'm going to get dragged all the timeee, Tsukki!"

 Kei just sighed a pleased "Yes. Yes, you are," before putting his headphones on, Not Today by BTS blasting through.

 It was a well guarded secret that Kei was a k-pop baby. He had music of all kinds and listened to them frequently but whatever the latest hit was, he had it playing on his big fancy headphones, had heard the entire album and probably knew the fan chants. He was so sure Kei knew the choreography to most of the songs by heart, but had been elusive at catching him. Someday.

 Someday he would catch him and get to see that one expression, the one he had when Kuroo caught him stoically listening to Tegomass. Obviously Tetsurou proceeded to serenade him with Ai Ai Gasa at random times for the rest of the week. It was magical.

 It was a while before Tsukki got a text and tapped on his hand to put their things away. Kuroo straightened up and walked closer to the gate. This was it, any second now Kenma was going to walk through that gate and he would have all his people _here_.

 He was so excited he almost missed that head of black with blond tips. The second Kenma entered his line of sight, he sprinted to where Kenma had stopped. He was staring right at Kuroo, sighing, and bracing himself.

 The impact of the hug almost toppled them over both. "Kitteeeeeen, you're home."

 "Hi Kuro. Tsukishima."

 Kenma's voice was even and neutral, but he was hugging Kuroo back just as tight, and not letting go. It just made Kuroo hug tighter. "I missed you," he breathed out.

 A couple of minutes later, when they had let go and were on their way back to the car, two large bags in tow, Kuroo asked "How was Canada?"

 "It was fine," Kenma frowned."You know this, we skyped every week."

 Kuroo just continued."Did you have fun?"

 Kenma's head was in his phone, sending texts. "Yeah. It was fun."

 "Wanna go back?"

 Kenma just shook his head and lowered his phone. "I'm glad I'm home."

 Tsukki was about to open his mouth to say something but he stopped walking, freezing on the spot and squinting to the side. Suddenly, he asked "Am I crazy?"

 Kuroo stopped at that, Kenma's bag at his side, and looked over to Kei. "Eh, Tsukki?"

 "Am I crazy," he repeated, "or is that Kageyama?"

 As far as he knew Kageyama was in China, playing with some team that had recruited him or something, but was due to return next month or so. He looked over to where Tsukki was still squinting, and saw tall and dark hair, and a –yeah, that was a volleyball. That was Kageyama.

Loud ringing, but not yowling, burst from Kei's pocket and the blond turned to look down at his hip with a blank expression. Pulling the phone out, he slowly brought it up to his ear after checking the caller id. "Kageyama, where are you?"

Kei's brow scrunched and his face turned into something he had personally never seen before, but assumed was his permanent expression in his year as captain when he had to wrangle a rowdy pack of teen boys plus Kageyama and Shrimpy. His hands flew into his own pocket, hands grasping the edge of his phone. _Slow and steady, make sure it's in silent so that the shutter doesn't rat me out, send pic to Bo immediately after for safekeeping._

"Me? I– at– freaking airport, going to the parking lot. Oh? What do you mean 'Oh'? Oh my Go– Will you just turn around?" 

Kei's hand flew to his forehead, his eyes and mouth in his own version of exasperation and shock. He should really win boyfriend of the year for waiting until _after_ Kei was off the phone to laugh at his expression. From the corner of his eye he saw Kenma holding his phone up, and was he? A quick glance over told him, yes, he was recording this.

He turned his head and mouthed silently at his best friend, _Send it to me_.

Kenma's nod was almost imperceptible, not wanting to jostle the footage.

Kei carried on, unaware. "That _is_ you. What are you doing here? I thought you were coming back next month?"

Now Kageyama had turned to face them, and was talking into his phone while staring directly _at_ them, but _not coming over_ and–

"Just come over here!" Kei hung up the call and shoved his phone back into his pocket.

_So fucking cute._

"I cannot believe this," he said, completely amused and holding back laughter, hand gripping the handle of Kenma's bag.

When Kageyama was in right in front of them, Kei just said "Why are you not in China?"

Kageyama shrugged. "They got the dates wrong. My dorm is being set up, can I stay with you?"

And yeah, there it was again, the _look_ on Kei's face and his hand on his forehead."That's why you were calling, you have no place to– you know what? I don’t want to know."

The blond took a deep breath and schooled his face into a neutral expression. "You can stay with me. Welcome back, King. "

"Thanks. Hello, Kuroo-san, Kozume-san." Kageyama eyed the bags and looked over at where Kenma was fiddling with his phone, most likely sending the video to Shrimpy. "Were you just returning from Canada, Kozume-san?"

He answered, stretching out his arm and placing his elbow in Kenma's shoulder, using him and an armrest. "Yeah, Ken-chan over here also just got home. Lucky for you we were around, huh?"

Kei scoffed and muttered "More like he's lucky I brought the car."

They made their way to the car, lumping Kenma's bags in the trunk and Kageyama's between him and Kenma in the backseat. He let Kageyama take shotgun, so that he and Kei could talk comfortably.

Kei was taking them back to Kuroo’s apartment, driving in that fucking adorable way– _He is literally just driving, he’s not even doing anything else. His hand are on the wheel, and that’s it, how? Why the fuck is that–_ when he asked Kageyama after looking how he kept nodding off.  "Tired?"

Kageyama thrust his head back into the headrest, letting his eyes slide shut. "They realised the mistake with the dates yesterday at 7 pm. I didn't get any sleep packing everything up and getting ready. There was a baby crying the entire flight."

Kei laughed. Laughed.

The first time he heard Tsukki laugh, it changed him. A real laugh, not a sneer, or a chuckle based on someone’s misfortune, or a well placed jab, or the giggle he got at funny animal videos, and oh yeah, _Tsukki giggled at dumb animal videos._  

It was loud, bright, the sound washing over him and seeping inside every crack in his soul, his bones. It healed things in him he didn’t know were broken.

The need to hear it again, to be the cause of it, to be near it, was immediate and his brain snapped into action to figure out how in the hell he had managed to pull that off. _What did I do? How could I do that again? I am so very very gay. I am so very very screwed._

A pun.

It took a pun, dumb and innocent.

They were brain dead from studying and taking a break and his dumb mouth decided to fill the silence with the dumbest pun that had ever crossed his dumb mind. Even Bokuto called him out on it. Whether it was the hour, or the mental fatigue or whatever did not matter. He made that happen.

 

 

> _“That- That is- the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Oh my God, you’re such a dork.”_

 Thinking back on it, he doesn’t know how Kei didn’t figure out how dumb in love he was. It was so painfully obvious. The amount of staring he did after that was not normal.

 Granted, _this_ laugh was a healthy dose of schadenfreude at Kageyama’s expense, but he digressed.

 He turned to see Kenma doing the scrunchy face at him and his heart swelled with something he didn’t know he was missing. He had missed that so much. Putting on his best smirk, he leaned over the bag between them to get a better look at his friend, making sure to keep the conversation just between them.  “What’s brought that on?”

 Kenma’s face scrunched even more. “You’re so gross.”

 “What.”

 Sighing, Kenma went back to his handheld, hands dipping into the chips Kuroo had bought him. “Keiji said as much, but I didn’t actually think you’d get like that.”

 “Like what?”

 “All smiley. And loopy, kinda dumb looking. He wasn’t even _doing_ anything,” Kenma’s face scrunched again. “It’s like that first training camp, but worse.”

 He laughed lightly and ran his hand through his hair, straightening in his seat. “I can’t wait, Kitten.”

 At Kenma’s glance, he continued. “Until you see Tora and I get to see _your_ smiley loopy dumb face.”

 "I do not have a smiley loopy dumb face."

 "Do too."

 "Do not"

 "Do too."

 "Do not"

 A moment of silence. "Do too."

 When he looked back to the front, Kageyama was snoring lightly and Kei was focused on the road ahead of him, cheeks slightly pink. Maybe they hadn’t been as quiet as he thought.

 They arrived at the apartment without a hitch. Bokuto’s screech when Kenma went through the door compromised everyone’s hearing, but Akaashi had made sure nothing was a mess and they had actual food to go around plus a small welcome home banner pinned to the wall. He shot a grateful look Kei’s way.

 Kageyama was still drowsy from the car ride and settled on the couch, Kenma following after but making sure to get the seat furthest away from him. Kei’s phone had died in the middle of their car ride and he usurped Kuroo’s charger, leading into the bedroom to get it.

Setting Kenma’s bag against the wall, he called out "Kitten are you taking the couch tonight, or are you going back home?"

Kei's voice traveled even from the bedroom. "They haven't seen each other in almost six months and you think he's _not_ spending the night with Yamamoto?"

He feigned outrage. "Yes! Kenma is a pure angel!"

Kei, Kenma, and _Akaashi_ somehow managed to snort at the same time. He looked around in shock. _What kind of conversations have they been having?_

Looking around he realised, almost all his people (give or take a Kageyama and a Yuuko) were _here_ and he felt that same feeling from before, the one he got in the car at the look on Kei’s face, at the scrunchy face Kenma made when he was being gross, that swelling in his chest that left him feeling a little too full and like the odds of him starting to leak was very real.

It took a second to realise that it seemed real because it was, and he finally registered the stinging behind his eyes. Kei walked out of his room, golden eyes locking with his watery ones, and smiled.

Then he shot a look at Akaashi and said “Called it. You owe me ten bucks.”

  _So evil_. He was so in love with that asshole.

* * *

 The not-party was in full swing now. True to his word Akaashi had made sure the apartment wasn't a mess of Bokuto's art supplies or Kuroo's notes all over the place. They had asked Yamamoto to meet them there later in the afternoon when he was off work to 'plan a small something for when Kenma returned' as per Kenma's request.

In the not-party spirit  he had also gotten red solo cups, snacks to keep the rowdier of their group from getting hangry, a tiny welcome home banner, planned pizza for later, an extra set of chairs and apple pie.

Kei gave it until Yamamoto showed up and they got exceedingly loud for Kenma to break up the whole thing up. Still, it had been a while since they had all time to hang out together, and it was–dare he say it–nice.

There was moment in which Kei and Kageyama's cellphones went absolutely berserk with notifications, most of them thanks to Yachi and Hinata in the group chat they had together, followed by a phone call from Yamaguchi thanks to video Kenma sent, the _traitor_.

Things settled down after that, but not by much.

Bokuto and Kuroo held up most of the conversation, Akaashi dipping his toe in to steer the talk every now and then when Kuroo started pestering Kenma a little too much. Not that he could really pay that much attention to it with Kageyama alternating between looking like he was going to fall asleep right on the spot and asking him all sorts of volleyball related questions, but he tried.

The only thing, and he wasn’t entirely sure that it was a _thing,_ were these odd glances Kenma kept throwing in Kageyama’s direction. He didn’t know Kenma enough to asses what kind of glances they were, or if they were anything at all, really; he could just as easily be resting his eyes from the screen of his PSP.

By quickly staring at Kageyama and darting back to the screen.

And only staring at Kageyama.

_I'm probably just imagining it, Kenma is very observant and he knows Kageyama the least out of all of us. I bet he's getting acclimated. Nope, there it is, he's staring at him right now. Okay._

He really did not need a thing between his boyfriend’s almost brother/one of his closest friend’s best friend and Kageyama.

He really did not.

Kei actually liked Kenma, even from back when he and Hinata were together. He was quiet when Kuroo was annoying, had all the high grade childhood blackmail material, and wasn’t afraid to verbally and socially destroy Kuroo. He was perfect.

Truthfully, for the time Kenma and Hinata had been an item, Kenma's offhand comments about Kuroo had been his only source of information about what the Bedhead Majesty (childhood nickname provided by Kenma's infinite blackmail material) was up to.

It's not like he had ever outright asked about him– and Kuroo could never, ever know he had been hearing tidbits of his life here and there years before they met again, otherwise he would get that particular smirk of his that was more annoying than it was endearing, and Kei hated that smirk–and communication between him and Kenma had always been scarce and heavily reliant on Hinata's involvement.

They talked more now, on their own, but still mostly about the people they had in common.

There was only one reason he could think of why Kenma would look at Kageyama the way cats look before they do the wiggly butt thing and pounce. It was _nothing_.

_That short idiot never got over Kageyama and he cared too much about Kenma to do that to them. He always did think Kenma deserved better. He wasn’t wrong._

It’s not like people knew about it. There were a lot of things Kei was privy to that others didn’t know about, most of them involving a short orange haired idiot. Kuroo was probably aware of it, Kenma being his best friend, but he never talked about it in the off-chance that it wasn’t common knowledge. Yeah, Kei was a dick sometimes, but he wouldn’t intentionally hurt his friends. Not anymore.

Hinata's relationships, or _relationship_ , was not public knowledge, not even to their close friends, both him and Kenma deciding to keep it to themselves (plus Kei who already knew about it before it happened, and Tora).

There were things he’d never say. This one in particular would be like dropping a grenade on their shared social circle. Or making Shouyou swallow a nuke. King would say something tactless, Kenma would never talk to him again, or worse look at him the way he was looking at Kageyama, and Shouyou… Shouyou would cry. He was not going to be the cause of the annoying ball of sunshine’s crying. He’d seen too much of that already.

As long as he kept his mouth shut, everything was fine anyway.

He should have known.

It was Akaashi who asked, in the midst of one of Kageyama's bout of grogginess, while sitting in a loveseat with Bokuto. There had been a lull in conversation, with it the perfect amount of silence for Akaashi's quiet voice to carry.

“How are things with Tora?”

Kenma looked up from his game, slightly, but carried on. “Loud. He gets excited.”

Kuroo threw him a smirk from where he was next to Kei, the annoying one, before poking him in the arm. “Well, you knew that going in.”

Kenma shrugged. Then, he added. “I’m used to it. Shouyou was loud when we were together, too.”

Oh. Okay.

And yup there it was, Kenma was staring right at Kageyama in that weird Kenma way of his when he said that. He was glad Kenma didn’t take to eye contact, those eyes of his seeming to stare into people’s very soul.

He wanted to leave, also wanted to look at Kuroo, see if he knew what the hell was going on but that would give away the he knew something and this is why Kei stayed in his lane and away from other people’s business.

Tadashi’s voice in his head calling him _a gossipy bitch_ notwithstanding.

He brought the red solo cup to his lips quietly, acting casual and pretending his stomach had not dropped, and his hands were not damp with sweat.

 _Is this what anxiety by proxy feels like?_ Then, he stilled, his lips at the edge of the cup.

Wait.

_Was Shoyou out? Did Kenma just out Shouyou? Shit. Kenma wouldn’t do that, right? Should Kenma tell him? Should I? I’m going to have to tell him, aren’t I. Of course I am._

He brought the cup back down to his side and waited, face in it’s usual neutral scowl. He kept repeating ‘ _I know nothing, this is news to me’_ over and over in his head like a mantra.

And then, Bokuto. Because it had to be Bokuto. Who else?

He squealed, legit squealed. “Kenma did you and Hinata date!?”

Kenma's posture on the couch hadn't changed, but Kei caught the way his eyes would still lightly fall back on Kageyama every now and then. “Back in high school. And college, a little bit.”

“My bird son! And my cat son!”

Akaashi interjected, his tone the opposite of Bokuto's. “Hinata is not your child, Bokuto-san.”

He didn't say anything about Kenma, though.

“Yes he is! He’s our bird child, Keiji!”

It was Kenma who interrupted. “ _Keiji?_ ”

Bokuto leaned back on the loveseat, waving his and around, as if it was nothing. An afterthought. "Yeah, we’re together now. Anyway, this is not about–”

“WHAT?!”

Kuroo's yelp interrupted this time, his hands crossed over his heart and his hurt face pointed right at Bokuto. " _Bro_."

 _He's getting really good at that._  Kuroo let his voice drop into a dramatic stage-whisper, breaking a bit towards the end. "Bro. You didn't tell me?"

Obviously, they had noticed. It's not as if things had changed that much from before, both of them grossly in love with each other even before Kei had met them. He was under the impression they were already together when he first moved to Tokyo , Kuroo just responding with a ' _Not ye_ t' when he had asked. They were just happier now.

Akaashi sighed and sat back, waiting the two idiots out, while Bokuto's face went from carefree to intensely preoccupied in a matter of seconds.

For the first time he was grateful about Kuroo and Bokuto's antics.  He tuned out whatever bit they were doing then and instead subtly looked around the room. Kageyama looked constipated, which was his deep in thought face. _Yeah, I'm not touching that._

His eyes locked with Kenma's, silently staring at each other. The moment passed as soon as it had come and he let his eyes fleet back to his boyfriend, who was now hugging and patting a grinning Bokuto's back. _A conversation for later, then._

He pulled his phone and discreetly sent a text, turning back just in time to dip back into the conversation, the subject of Kenma and Hinata's past relationship apparently dropped in favor of Bokuto's rendition of his and Akaashi's Epic Love Tale (as named by Bokuto).

It was only a half hour later when Kageyama got a call telling him his dorm was ready, and took off looking half dead wanting to get some rest before meeting his new team for the first time the next day, another twenty minutes before Yamamoto arrived.

Knowing him from matches against Nekoma, and word of mouth from Kuroo and Kenma, he expect his screech level to be as high as Bokuto's as a minimum. He did not expect the barely there watery eyes when he dropped his stuff to the ground, the silent walk over to where Kenma had sat up, the loud exhale buried into Kenma's neck where he had sat next to him on the couch, or the quiet ‘ _I'm home’_ that left Kenma's lips.

He looked away at that. It was private. Intimate.

The ‘ _Welcome back’_ was barely a whisper.

It cut their little party short, Yamamoto running his hand through his head bashfully while saying their goodbyes before Kenma grabbed the overnight bag he had packed beforehand and they took off. It wasn't long before the remaining group broke up into their respective pairs and got ready for bed.

He got ready first, pulling a pair of Kuroo's sweats and a shirt that was big enough to be comfortable.

He couldn't shake off the atmosphere Kenma and Yamamoto had left behind. It made Kei think of Kuroo, and the two years that had separated them. Would they have made it, when they were far apart, if either of them had the guts to try and chase something back then? Probably not.

It made him think of Hinata, and he glanced worriedly at his phone. He hadn't answered back yet, the messages not even being delivered.

A press of lips to his temple broke him out of his thoughts, followed by a dip in the bed. Kuroo had changed into his bright yellow kitten pyjama pants with the matching shirt. It was adorable, even moreso because he had seen a matching pair when Kenma was packing his overnight bag.

Wrapping his arms around Kei's middle, he shifted until he was comfortable. "Wanna tell me about it?"

Kei turned off the lamp and curled in against him, shaking his head. Kuroo's lips were pressed into Kei's hair. He smelled like mint. "Not yet."

"Okay," he said, before he untangled himself from Kei and grabbed the blankets from the foot of the bed to drape it over them. It was no Fluffy, but it would do. Warmth seeped through him from where Kuroo had settled against him again, the smell of mint and Kuroo's cologne on the sheets, arms around him and exhales against his hair. This felt like home, too.

He was in and out of sleep before he remembered, mumbling slightly. "You didn't get to see it after all."

"What?"

"Kenma's smiley loopy dumb face."

 Kuroo's muffled laugh was the last thing he head before he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 He woke up to the smell of coffee and a cold bed. Coffee won out, so he dragged himself to the kitchen, Kuroo's back and nest of a hair greeting him. He turned at the sound of Kei approaching, and the first thing he saw were the dark circles. "Did you sleep?"

 Kuroo smiled, which meant this was coffee number two of the day. "A little, yeah."

Meaning, he slept for an hour or two, then nothing. Grabbing a mug from the cabinet he poured himself a cup and leaned against Kuroo's hip. "Come over after practice, we'll take a nap."

He closed his eyes, bringing the coffee to his lips.

"Kei."

When he looked over Kuroo had a soft look on his face, mug in hand. "I love you. Even if you take your coffee as black and bitter as your soul."

Kei narrowed his eyes, but smiled, kept his tone innocent. "You mean if I had one?"

Kuroo laughed, pressed a kiss on his cheek before rubbing his morning stubble in–like a goddam cat–and rinsed his cup. They showered, Kei borrowing some more clothes from Kuroo until he got home and changed. He'd just wash them and keep them there.

They sat down to get some work done before Kuroo had to leave. Yaku was coming over and then they'd go together to see Kenma, spend an afternoon reminiscing. They had also promised to take Kenma's apple pie with them, after Kenma texted Kuroo a single separate dot repetitively for five minutes straight until he relented.

Kuroo had already packed it and put in his bag, but it’s the routine that counts.

He settled against one of the armrests of the couch, computer in his lap. The worry from yesterday– and the last six months, if he was being honest– came back in full force when he noticed that the message he had sent to Hinata was in read but he hadn't answered. He let out a long suffering sigh at his idiot friend, and sent another one asking if they could skype.

Yaku arrived, and they sat down to chat before they left. Kei didn't hear half of it, his eyes glancing between his phone and his screen. At some point Bokuto came back from his run.

“So how’s Kenma doing?”

“He likes Tsukki better than he likes me,” Kuroo whined.

Yaku snickered. “Well, he’s always had good taste.”

Kuroo scoffed. “I beg to differ, he’s thick as thieves with Shrimpy.”

Kei frowned, spoke up for the first time in the entire conversation. “Hinata is a perfectly fine choice of companionship.”

He turned at the silence that fell after that, finding everyone staring at him.

“What?”

Kuroo started, hesitantly. “I was joking but, uhm, you usually pretend that the shrimp is not one of your best friends?”

Bokuto nodded at that from where he was on the other end of the couch, looking confused. “Yeah, it’s weird hearing you say something nice about him in a way that’s not fake mean.”

“Oh.”

It was habit. Everyone knew they were friends, his tolerance to Hinata having grown exponentially since they were first years in high school, so he didn't see a need to change that.

It was Yaku who broke the silence. They weren't close, so his questioned was understandably strained. “Is everything alright, Tsukishima?”

 _Shit is going to happen, I know it. I will somehow be involved because why the fuck not._ "Yeah. Everything is fine."

Even he could hear he wasn't convincing at all.

Kuroo broke in, grabbing his bag from the where he had placed in on the couch and looked at over at Yaku. _Thank God_.  "Should we head out?"

Yaku seemed to catch his drift, let it drop and they were on their way. Kei lazed around the room while Bokuto sketched, catching up on some school work before he headed back to his apartment. He had no lectures today, but he did practice later in the afternoon, so he had a couple of hours.

His phone let out a small _ping!_ , only to show Hinata had answered back. Quickly packing up, he left for his own place, where they could talk.

* * *

 Tsukishima Kei was a dick. He’d been told that over and over again throughout his life. He hated lies and pretence, because of that one thing with Aki in middle school–and eventually that other thing that happened later in high school–which meant that he was usually brutally honest and blunt.

( About everybody else, that is. When it came to him there were a few blurred lines here and there.)

Early in his teens he went to from quiet to mocking and sometimes plain mean.It just played out that way, when you and your boyfriend were outed on your last year of middle school. The most they ever did was a hold hands and kiss a few times.

It was tragic, really.

That relationship did not survive, obviously, but the taunts and the jeers did. Bullies didn’t come directly for him either; being almost 180cm in middle school was a pretty good bully deterrent. But being friends with the gay dude from the volleyball team didn’t earn you any points either, and protecting them only made people talk more. So, he backed off and his friends didn’t stop him.

Except Yamaguchi.

He would have left Yamaguchi alone too, if he didn’t know they were just waiting to jump him if he was by himself...And if Yamaguchi himself wouldn’t have murdered him if he tried.  

He put distance there too, though. He wasn’t Tadashi anymore, he was Yamaguchi. Casual touching died. He tried to make Yamaguchi not call him Tsukki anymore, but all he got was a week straight of Dashi calling him by his nickname every time he spoke something directed at Kei.

Every. Single. Time.

 

 

>   _“What did you get for number nine, Tsukki?”_
> 
> _“I got 67, Tsukki.”_
> 
> _“Should we start on number ten, Tsukki?”_
> 
> _“Don’t scowl at me, Tsukki.”_

 That last year of middle school was… Difficult.

Karasuno was better.

The beginning was rough, but he found a place in a team he was wary of at first.

He had hoped the whole ‘ _Hey, he’s gay_ ’ thing would have gotten old but a new year meant fresh blood and some of the freshmen that had followed him from his old middle school felt like it was their duty to make sure everyone knew what his shtick was.

(A memory of Kuroo snorting ran through his head. _Duty_.)

It’s not like he minded, but he would have liked to be able to go to school in peace, and maybe not have a repeat of having to quit volleyball early in his third year because people were uncomfortable with him in the changing room. But it’s not like it mattered. It was just a club.

(If things don’t matter it doesn’t hurt when they’re gone.)

(Music helped a lot back then.)

But then again, if there’s anything he knows now is that the universe has a love/hate relationship with him. Of course it came out. ( _Came out. Snort)_

 

 

> It’s kind of funny, how the confessions from random girls that liked his height and his scowl just died. Sure, he has nightmares of hallways of people staring at him and whispering until the voices overpower even his own heartbeat well onto his second year, but that’s a story for another time. Sometimes he wonders if Dashi has them, seeing as he stood by him all the way like a fucking champ. Kei didn’t fight it this time. Yamaguchi Tadashi has always been the braver one of them both.

(Later, much later, they get drunk together for the first time and Kei asks if he had them too, and Dashi just looks at him and cries. He doesn’t ask again. Third year of high school was rough, too)

 

 

> It doesn’t really spread past the first year’s floor, and the idiot duo is too into volleyball all the time to really notice anything so it doesn’t touch the club, or volleyball. At least there’s no first year brave enough to physically challenge him. He really doesn’t pay much attention anymore. It’s just the same-old things, repeated by different voices.
> 
> It is annoying though, to come in the morning and find his desk defaced. He could just just leave it, but then he’d have teachers either hovering over him or looking the other way, like last time. He’s already tired from morning practice and now he’s going to have to get water to clean this.
> 
> So annoying. Not as annoying as having Hinata there, staring wide-eyed at his desk.
> 
> He doesn’t quite want to deal with this. A few choice words, and a glare here and there and Hinata leaves quietly, oddly enough. He doesn’t really think it would have worked so well.
> 
> When they go to change for practice, they enter the clubroom and it goes silent.
> 
> This he knows.
> 
> Daichi walks over, anger clear on his face, and he feels Yamaguchi stiffen beside him. It’s a deja vú, back to his captain last year who had ‘ _requested_ ’ he think about leaving the club early ‘ _to focus on his grades_ ’. This time, he sees it coming but the twist in his stomach is still there, and for the longest minute of his life, it feels like this would drag on forever. A glimpse into his future.
> 
> Daichi stops right by them and he knows this is going to happen here, and at _least_ his previous captain had the mercy to do it outside, away from the others.

(Now that he’s older, he’s realised it was because they didn’t want him inside anymore, but it doesn’t sting) 

 

 

> It takes Daichi a couple of seconds to start, and Yamaguchi moves a little closer to him.
> 
>  He knows they won’t ask him to quit but he’ll do it all the same, again. It’s that moment, both of them facing the terrifying face of an angry Daichi, after years of Yamaguchi shifting a little closer so that they face shit _together_ , that he realises how grateful he is that a snooty brat like him had the luck of meeting a freckled child and that Yamaguchi _fucking_ Tadashi is his best friend.

(That feeling never went away, really.)

 

 

> He sees Hinata fidget and avert his gaze in the back. Him and his loud mouth.
> 
> Daichi doesn’t say anything for a long time and Suga has to take over.
> 
> “Tsukishima,” he starts, hesitantly, as if trying to find the right words, “is anyone bothering you?”
> 
> Silence.
> 
> “What?”
> 
> Suga is staring at him now, trying to read his face. “Has anyone done something to you?”
> 
> He has absolutely no idea what’s happening, but he answers anyway. His desk was trashed, but he hadn’t been there and no one had approached him. Yet. “No?”
> 
> Suga’s gaze sharpens at that answer. He looks at Yamaguchi now too, who looks just as baffled as he feels. “Are you sure?”
> 
> He nods, and so does Yamaguchi, and it’s only practice that keeps the neutral expression on his face. Suga doesn’t seem too happy with that answer, but he mutters an ‘ _Okay_ ’ anyway before turning to Daichi.
> 
> Daichi seems to have calmed down by now, so he talks. “I want to say this, in front of everyone, so we’re clear. If anyone makes you feel uncomfortable, you come tell us. If anyone tries to do anything, anything at all, come find one of us, or Takeda-sensei right away. I shouldn’t have to say this, but you, all of you, are always welcome here, and anyone who has a problem with that can leave right now.”
> 
> Nobody moved an inch.
> 
> “Didn’t doubt it, but I thought I’d clear the air. Now, let’s get practice started.”
> 
> They are almost all ready to go, only him and Yamaguchi waiting to change, and everyone clambers down to the gym.
> 
> It’s Noya who stops him before going down with the rest, Tsukki still in the middle of changing. He’s calm and his eyes are steady like when they are on the court and he slips into his Guardian Deity role.
> 
> “We got your back.” His voice is unwavering, clear, sure, like there never even remotely was any other possibility to exist. He believes it.
> 
> There’s a lump in his throat but his eyes aren’t stinging, yet, and he’s so glad they were the last ones here. He nods in response to Noya, who smacks him before leaving without looking back. Yamaguchi finishes changing quickly and waits for him outside.

(He didn’t cry then. He waited until he got home and his headphones were on, volume on max, before letting himself go in the silence of his room.)

 

 

>  His desk never gets trashed again, somehow.The idiots come for lunch after that. Every day.
> 
> The second year duo take it upon themselves to be lunch time visitors whenever the idiot duo wants to practice through theirs. He doesn’t know how they communicate. Tanaka is always trying to intimidate everyone by being as loud as possible.
> 
> Things are calm for a while until a couple of kids from another class come over,  Noya and Tanaka shutting them up with a very casual slam of a desk. It’s a few days when he overhears of a couple of second years who got a black eye and a broken nose, and Tanaka walks in with a slight limp to practice. Daichi just sighs. Suga looks proud.

(He needed to get a gift for Akiteru and Saeko after their announcement last week. Tanaka called not fifteen minutes after they did, the second one that month, loud even on speakerphone. Kei is most _definitely_ going to be the favorite uncle, just to piss him off.)

It was strange, having people other than Yamaguchi who’d look out for him. It’s stranger, being the one who looks out for someone other than Yamaguchi.

Bizarre to have that person be Hinata out of all people.

It was the beginning of their second year, after an entire 12 or so months of dealing with the loudmouth. It’s not like they’re close or anything, but they’ve become reluctant friends. Very reluctant. That feeling of wanting to swat him down like a fly had morphed into slight annoyance.

He just happened to have left his headphones back in the clubroom. That was testament enough to how not-okay the day was, and he was glad Yamaguchi was back practicing at Shimada Mart so he wouldn’t have to deal with the knowing glances all the way home.

What he did not expect to find was an orange haired idiot half-changed, curled up in the floor in front of the lockers by himself. Avoiding it was easy enough, if he hadn’t been sitting by his particular locker, which held the very pair of white headphones he had come back for.

“Oi, Shorty–

Hinata cut him off before he could finish. “How did you know?”

It took him a while to figure out what he meant and when he did he just looked up at the heavens in reproach, counted to ten in his head and then sat down next to Hinata. _Tch._

The metal of the lockers was cold where it met his neck and he slouched to keep the contact off. “I had a crush on Yamaguchi. I thought it was because we were close, so I ignored it. It ended pretty quickly but then I started liking another boy.”

Hinata still had not look up from where he was, so his voice came out muffled “...Did you ever like girls?”

It was easier having this conversation when not looking at each other, so he just stared ahead. “Girls are pretty but I’ve never wanted to kiss one if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Oh.”

“Did you?” Hinata didn’t say anything after that but he could feel his eyes burning a hole into his profile, so he turned to face him. ”Ever like girls?”

Hinata’s gaze dropped, arms tightening against his legs. “Yeah. I think. Maybe.”

In the short time Hinata had been looked at him he could see the redness of his nose, the puffiness of his eyes. How long had he been there? “But you like a boy now.”

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

He huffed out a breath. “Why were you crying, then?”

Shoulders jumping, Hinata tensed and whipped up to look at him. “I was not!”

Kei just gave him a look and an arched brow. Seriously?

“I… “And then Hinata’s eyes went wide and glassy and panic started gripping at his stomach.

Post-crying Hinata in the middle of a sexuality crisis was one thing. Sexuality made everyone panicky.

' _Crying about a boy_ ’ Hinata was another beast all together and he did not want to see that, wasn’t entirely sure he could handle it. Hinata did not cry. Not about a boy. Except he did, and he felt Tsukishima was the person to do it in front of. Fuck everything.

Did no one tell him Tsukishima had the comforting ability of a rock? It always seemed he said the wrong thing, offended people left and right.  Hell, Tanaka was openly bi, he could handle this.

He slowly shuffled a little closer and awkwardly jutted out a palm to try and pat his head. That made people feel better. “Uhm… There there?”

Tears only fell faster, and Hinata started shaking. How did Yamaguchi do it again? Reassuring and gentle. Tsukki’s voice went to a higher pitch, out of his depth in this.“Everything will be fine?”

He tried.

That just made him cry harder.

Hinata broke out into a sob. Snot was dripping down his face and he curled his legs against his chest, face resting on his knees. This was not–no. He did not sign up for this. It hadn’t been a good week for him at all, and before he found hinata he was halfway to his own breakdown. He had only saved enough spoons for one emotional turmoil moment today and Hinata was using them up, and this needed to stop as soon as possible or he was going to start crying too, and then he would be crying _with_ Hinata. They would be crying _together_. No.

He burst without thinking. “Okay, cry your eyes out then! Things will probably be shitty, and you’ll cry a lot. It doesn’t just magically go away.”

The hiccups next to him slowed. “Really?”

Incredulous, he just stared. Funnily enough, he didn’t feel much like crying anymore. “ _That_ made you stop!?”

Hinata sputtered. “You-you snapped! You always tell the truth when you snap like that.”

Oh.

“I don’t want to sugar coat it. I just… don’t know what to do.”

He fiddled with his glasses. Having Hinata look at him for answers felt so weird. “And you’re asking me?”

“You’re mean but you don’t lie, and I don’t know who else to talk to about this.”

_‘You don’t lie’_

He had always seen Hinata confident, even when he was out of his depth, bubbling with can-do and all that whatever that had him jumping around like a madman. He never thought there’d come a time when he would have to see the him looking this defeated. But there he was, in all his (short) glory, with red-rimmed eyes and looking miserable.

Okay.

“I can’t believe this is going to leave my mouth.” Deep breath. “Do you want to walk home with me and talk about it. Your crush, I mean. And whatever made you bawl like an infant.”

Hinata’s eyes widened, his nose still dripping snot. “Really?”

He just pinned Hinata with a glare. “Would I volunteer otherwise?”

Undeterred, Hinata just smiled back. “Thanks, Tsukishima.”

Strange was an accurate way to describe their walk home, and when he invited Hinata in, and when they talked in his room until it got dark and he had to stay over. Hinata was subdued the whole time, but he wasn’t as sad anymore. It was a different side to him, and he could tolerate it better than his usual grinning and running and jumping. They kept talking.

After a while, it wasn’t just about boys, or the boy (which turned out to be Kageyama and confirming  that was a shitshow he never wanted to ever repeat), but about all the other things. Like how Hinata had a fake smile if he ever saw one, one that he wore constantly, everywhere. How Hinata had a lot of bad days, too. How it was hard for him to keep still, having to sit stiffly in the classroom all day.

They didn’t talk about Tsukki, or ever in Hinata’s house. Hinata trusted him to tell the truth, to be candid, and to answer his questions. He trusted Hinata to talk when he couldn’t deal with his own thoughts and problems for a while. Things changed eventually, but they worked.

He was thinking about all of this, the parts that connected him to most annoying volleyball idiot on the planet, while staring at his Skype screen waiting for a green dot. Maybe he should wait. It wasn’t his business, if you got to the technicalities, and he could just leave it alone. He looked down and saw the edge of his crow, in flight.

_God fucking damn it._

Then there was the text he got while he was asleep. Pulling his phone from his back pocket, he stared at the screen.

 

 **KING[2:54 AM] >>**Did u know about hina&kenma 

 

Kageyama rarely texted him one on one , preferring to just address him in the group chat they all shared. The time stamp on the message was also worrisome. Had he stayed up late, Mr.Full-8-hours?

Also what was he supposed to say?

_Yeah, because I'm closer to Shouyou that any of you and he trusts me with things he'd never say to your face. Or to you, period. I spent the last two years of high school watching him cry about you, and about Kenma._

Tadashi knew, he guessed. He was too perceptive not too, and there was time he was there for Hinata and Kenma’s breakup, but had kept quiet and respected their privacy, probably. He shouldn't lie. It's not like they had done anything wrong. Who Hinata told what about his life was nobody's business but his own.

But not saying something and lying are roommates and that blurry line came back to streak across Kei's vision.

And King was his friend, too. Ugh.

Deep breath. Okay, Kageyama was going to have to wait until he spoke to Shouyou. He waited a couple of minutes until the sound of the sound of an incoming Skype call broke him out of his stupor. He pulled his laptop closer, answering the video call.

A mop of orange hair greeted him and the smile plastered on the face across the screen told him all he needed to know. Bypassing niceties he just asked, “Did you hear?”

The smile faltered and he could see the tension on Hinata’s shoulders. Still, Shouyou tried.

With a fake laugh, he continued. “Don’t be rude, Tsukishima! At least say hello.”

He took a peek at his phone and then back to the screen. “Hinata.”

Nothing. His year as captain had taught him how to deal with this, so he just kept his face neutral and stared right ahead.

“Shouyou.”

It wasn’t loud, but it was solid. That god awful smile finally dropped and Shoyou went quiet, eyes focused and intense staring past his screen and burying themselves on the wall behind him. With a shuddering breath he looked back at Tsukki and a small, wobbly, real smile appeared on his face.

“I didn’t know he’d be there,“ he said.

Tsukki shifted, settling back onto the headboard. “He came back from China early, said he wanted to ' _see everyone_ ' before he got caught up in team things and went back to Miyagi to visit.”

“Hah, he just wanted setter tips from Kenma and Akaashi-san. It’s really not a big deal. I’m not a-ashamed of what I had with Kenma. I told him he could tell people, Stingyshima, chill out with the whole captain thing.”

There was shame there, but not the kind Shouyou was referring to. “You’re right. It’s really not a big deal. But, are you okay?”

Hinata took a minute to answer. “I don’t know. I should be over this by now. I should be over him. It’s been so long how can he still make my head go all gwaaaa! Captainshima! How do I make it go away?”

Kei snorted. “I thought I had to chill with the Captain stuff.”

“Nooooo. Tell me what to do first.”

Kei avoided looking at the screen and looked at his phone, instead. “He asked if I knew.”

No reply came, so he lifted his gaze up to the screen only to find Hinata, lips quirked. As well as he could read Hinata, Hinata could read him just as well by now. “You’re really dumb, Tsukishima. Kageyama is your friend. You hate lying to your friends.”

He huffed out a breath. “This isn’t mine to tell, Shorty.”

Hinata only gave him a sad smile and said nothing. Kei groaned. “Listen, I’ll go back to Miyagi for the break. Tadashi’s finally done, and the studio is booked.”

That made his eyes widen and his mind forget about the previous conversation, even if just for a little. “Really? Can I go watch.”

“Ugh. Sure.”

* * *

Napping with Kuroo was always fantastic. Back in high school Kei would take naps every chance he got, sleep mask and noise cancelling headphones in tow. In bus rides, in between games, sometimes during lunch, launching himself on his bed after practice and before dinner, that one time everyone had come over to study and he couldn’t deal with Hinata and Kageyama's bickering anymore. He was the nap master.

Practice that day had been gruelling, it being the last one before break, and after a day out and a couple of hours of jumping around on three–admitted, meaning more like five–cups of coffee, Kuroo was ready to drop the second he got back to Tsukki place, not even bothering to wait for Kei but going straight for the bedroom the moment they were inside, leaving him to pull the space heater from in front of the couch to the bedroom.

With it being a couple of days before Christmas the cold was really kicking Kei’s ass, and after the bulk of his pre-winter break work was done they started alternating apartments to stay over. Kuroo’s growing selection of clothes in his closet and the one stray coat in his coatrack proof enough.

(He’d deny this fervently if asked, but on those heavy duty days where they see nor hair nor hide of each other he’d pick Kuroo’s coat over his own to wear.)

Kei needed to get work done, but he also wanted to just flop on the bed with his boyfriend to keep him warm and sleep. Groaning, he grabbed his laptop and settled in while Kuroo wrapped himself around his legs, Fluffy in tow, and passed out.

An hour of work should be enough to finish one of the last papers he had to hand in before break and to allow him to curl up into a ball and ascend into a higher plane of consciousness to escape the cold for an hour or two.

He woke slowly, something rubbing back and forth on his jaw. His glasses were mushed to his face, his neck was a tad uncomfortable and a glance at his laptop by the nightstand told him Kuroo was awake and he had fallen asleep in the middle of his paper. “How long did I sleep?”

Kuroo yawned, his hand falling from Kei's face. “Enough. You had the funniest face going on when I woke up.”

Stretching to avoid a crick in his neck, he fixed his glasses on his face and blinked sleep out of his eyes. Dropping back on the bed with a small bounce, he turned and was at eye level with the ultimate version of his Kuroo's bedhead. “Feel better?”

Kuroo was still wrapped around him, but against his chest now, breaths even and deep but looking at him while his fingers trailed back and forth lightly over his side. “Yeah. You seemed better during practice, did you work things out?”

He could feel the frown forming. “I was feeling fine?”

“No, I mean about the thing.”

 _Oh Right. The Thing. The thing with Hinata. Hinata's thing. Whatever the fuck it is._ “Yeah.”

The curled lip and the disbelieving look told him that Kuroo had not bought it, but was fine leaving it like that until Kei told him, and burrowed more into his side.

It was dark out, barely, as much as he could see through his window. If he didn't move soon, he'd risk falling back asleep and missing dinner at a decent hour, or at all, and then Kuroo would be all up on him about it.

It was the weekend before Christmas, and instead of going outside to the tepid cold to do something–fun? maybe– like any other couple in their twenties. They were just. Cuddling. On his bed. For the third time that week.

 _We're like an old couple who's run out of things to do, except we haven't done any of them._ "Do you ever feel all we do is sleep and eat?"

Kuroo smiled. "Yeah, it's great."

He looked way to happy about that, for some reason. At his look, Kuroo elaborated, speaking the words into his side. "We sleep, we eat, we fool around, we play volleyball, then we nap, we fuck,  and we eat again. It's awesome."

Kei huffed out a breath, amused. He could see where this was going. "So by that logic, we're due for something involving our dicks."

Kuroo gasped, eyes widening in mock surprise. "It's like you can read my mind."

Kuroo looked like a mess. His hair was a nest, even if Kei loved it, his cheek had sleep lines from where it rested in Kei's shirt, eyes were sort of bleary with leftover sleep. He looked adorably rumpled in no way any adult who constantly made dick jokes should.

He also was kissing Kei, which he was more than fine with. He liked it when they started out like this, soft and slow, warm from sleep and doing nothing, building up the burn with no rush. Okay, maybe Kuroo was right, it was awesome.

Kuroo pulled off with a groan and smushed his head into Kei's shoulder. "God, I want to fuck you."

_Same._

They still had to wait for both of their results to come back thanks to his freaking latex allergy. Finding out about that had been the most embarrassing moment of his life.

He had gotten tested back in Miyagi but there was those couple of parties before college that had ended in whoever-was-hosting’s bathroom or empty room. Those only ended in blowjobs, but it was solidarity with Kuroo, the whole getting tested together spiel or whatever.

Being a complete and utter moron, he hadn’t taken advantage of the months of not-sex they had and Kuroo hadn’t gotten tested in a while, so they had to wait. Again.

_All I want for Christmas is to get dicked. That’s all._

Kei just sighed. "Only a couple more days."

"But you'll be back in Miyagi by then," he whined, but the smile marring his face told him he was just being difficult. Out of nowhere, the smile fell into a pout. “You won’t even be here for Christmas. Or New years.”

Kei shrugged, Kuroo moving with him where he was resting on his shoulder. "Doesn't mean we can't celebrate right now."

"Hmm, I guess,” Kuroo purred, before leaning in and capturing his lips again. He pulled Kuroo's shirt off, wanting to feel the hard lines of muscles, a bruise or two from volleyball. Kuro's hands went to his own sweats, kicking them off before his hand shot out under the pillow.

"Shit. You're out of lube."

His brain took a second or two before it went back online. "Shower?"

Kuroo's head shook, leaning back from where he was tangled with Kei to take a deep breath. "This is the one from the shower, remember?"

They _had_ stolen his shower stash last time they ran out. "Do we even need lube?"

Kuroo looked at him right in the eye, his face giving way to a dangerous grin. "I want to finger you."

Kei felt his muscles tense in anticipation, his breath leaving his body. "Fuck. Okay." He closed his yes, trying to clear his head. "Box on the bottom drawer."

Kuroo shot up from the bed, wasting no time at kneeling by his dresser and pulling the handle. When the box was on his lap and the lid slid open he froze, his eyes going wide. “Uh, Kei?”

“Yes?”

He was staring at the open box, swallowing audibly. His eyes found Kei leaning against the headboard. “Can we… play with these?”

His mind clicked and he just gave Kuroo a sly smile, took his shirt off, and threw it off to the side.

Kuroo's feet fumbled as he sprinted to the bed, almost tripping on nothing but himself in his haste. That box tended to have that effect on people. Taking his glasses off, he asked "You okay there?"

Kuroo pulled the blankets off the bed and scooted closer to hover over Kei, setting the box to the side and pulling Kei lower on the bed underneath him. “I’m just surprised. Happy, and horny, but surprised.”

Kei snorted. “How is this news? I have a resting bitch face, can’t do casual sex, and like bottoming. Of course I have toys.” Casual bottoming when condoms were not an option was just not a thing he was going to do.

The box that lived in his drawer was filled with goodies. Extra lube, just in case, no condoms–thanks, latex allergy– but everything else in it was fair game, and something Kei had tried on his own more than once.

Rummaging through the box for  lube, Kuroo's eyes zeroed in on one particular toy and he looked back at Kei frantically. “You have to be kidding. There is no way.” It was a whisper, awed and disbelieving. “Kei.”

That one toy was a dildo, the biggest one he owned, just a bit longer than average but thick as hell. It was shaped like a real cock, veins and all, plus a flared base. He felt the smile on his face grow and stayed silent. Kuroo sounded parched. "Can you take all of it?"

Kei nodded. “That one’s my favorite. Let's try it today.”

Kuroo sucked in a breath, held it. His voice had gone to higher pitch than usual. “I’m going to die. You’re going to and–It’s going to kill me.”

His boyfriend just kept staring inside the box, and now that Kei  had a very clear image of what was going to happen, was getting impatient. "Tetsu," he reached out to run his hands over Kuroo's abs, finding perch in his waist, "did you not want to fuck me?"

That seemed to break him out of whatever trance he was in, and he swooped in to kiss Kei, hard and deep. It wasn't short, but it was wet and hot and filled with the promise of more. They broke apart, breathing heavy. "Yeah. Yeah, fuck. I love you so fucking much."

His ears went red for no fucking reason, he heard Kuroo say it all the time. “Tetsu–”

Kuroo ran a hand through his sides, stopping at his waistband and pulling to get rid of his pants. “I do. I’m thinking about you all the time.”

Breaths shuddering out, Kei asked "How do you want me?"

A hand reached up to cup his cheek and he was so fucking ready for whatever Kuroo wanted to do to him, but that was _so sweet and soft what the hell_. "Like this, I want to see your face."

There was no lace today, but the face Kuroo made when he saw Kei in light blue briefs was the opposite of disappointed. He ran his hands over the outside of his thighs, up the side of his chest all the way to his ribs carefully, stroking and kneading and kissing, leaving bite marks and sucking bruises on his skin. He made a shaky mental note to be careful when changing in front of others while they faded.

Kuroo’s voice was a litany of hums and half finished praise, low and almost to himself as if he didn’t even notice what was falling from his lips while showering him in soft touches and hard kneads and _so pretty, beautiful, gonna take care of you, love you–_

Running his hands over to his hips, he ran his hands over his tattoos, stopping and stroking them with his thumb. “Fuck, I love these.”

Kei was kind of out it by this point but he managed to ask “The tattoos?”

Kuroo bit into his hip bones, teeth running over them before leaving behind a trail of red and purple and blues. Kei’s skin really did mark easy. “Those too.”

“I love you legs–” _bite_ –“and your ass–” _bite_ –”but your legs take the prize.”

Kuroo spent eons on his legs, on the inside of his thighs to almost down to the knee just pressing his lips and biting and sucking until there were clusters of marks all over and he was certain he wasn’t going to be able to change in public without glowing at least four shades of red. Kuroo looked pleased as hell when they locked eyes and he mouthed ‘ _Payback_ ’ into his skin.

Kei couldn’t let Kuroo have all the fun, so he ran his hands over Kuroo’s shoulders–and fuck him for that. Nobody needed shoulders like that– up into his hair, making sure his grip tightened just enough to get his attention which earned him a chuckle and a “So impatient, Tsukki.”

Briefs disappearing and with Kuroo's weight in between his legs, he felt like he was burning. Kuroo was being a fucking tease, two fingers deep inside him.

"Tetsu, come on, more," he pleaded, but Kuroo just kept that infuriating pace of his.

He held Kei on edge, working and scissoring him every now and then, making him moan at the stretch, making sure to touch just around his prostate but never it directly, and that was a dick move because Kei _wanted_ , and Kuroo was just toying with him, dangling the proverbial carrot in front of him but keeping it just out of reach–

" _Please_."

Kuroo’s smirk widened, and his fingers sped up a little before adding a third in and pressing just right. "Anything you want, Kei."

_Fuck. So that's it. Fuck. Fuck it all. Why is that so hot?_

He tried jerking his hips to make Kuroo hurry but it just resulted in Kuroo tightening the hand on his hip. “Slow down. Gotta get you ready, don’t wanna hurt you.”

Still, it managed to make Kuroo get a move on and a quick curling of his fingers had him gasping and jerking. The bastard kept the pressure steady there this time, going from zero full contact immediately and Kei could do nothing but thrash. “Tetsu–I’m ready, I’m ready just–Please.”

"Just a little more, Moonshine. You're doing so good."

The glare he shot Kuroo at the nickname did nothing seeing as it was combined with moans and gasps, and it was lost altogether when he felt a fourth digit stretch him out, Kei's hands leaving small crescent marks on Kuroo's skin where he was bent over Kei.

Kei let out a whimper at the loss of contact when Kuroo pulled away, tightening his bent legs around Kuroo’s waist  but it didn’t last long because after the click of a cap he felt something brush against his entrance, spreading him.

The stretch was _delicious_. Even after all the prep, the girth still wasn’t easy, but he loved it. His eyes slammed shut, his lips parted to heave out a breath, a choked moan.

"Look at you, you're taking it so well. I can't wait 'till it's my cock sinking into you. You'll take me just as well, won't you? Even better than this." Kuroo voice was low, right by his ear, crowding him just like his body was caging him in, keeping him covered, and he was so grateful his eyes were closed because adding a visual of Kuroo watching him take it– and picturing himself inside Kei instead,  would bring him closer to the edge much faster than he wanted.

He wanted to savor it.  His hand shot out and curled around Kuroo’s neck, gripping at the small curls at his nape, the other fisting in the sheet to keep him steady. “ _Tetsu_.”

Lips traveled from his temple, down to the column of his neck, biting his collarbone and back up, pressing a kiss to that spot behind his ear before growling. “I got you. I’ll give you what you want.”

And he remembered all those late night calls before they were an _us_ , how that voice in his ears kept him up even after they hung up, sometimes in his dreams, and how it made his body burn from the inside. Kuroo always gave him what he wanted.

Right now, that impulse late night online purchase he had made months before Kuroo was an option was the best idea Kei had ever had in his life.

The way Kuroo grabbed at his ankles and pushed his legs higher, his knees hitting the back of Kei’s thighs while one of his legs dangled over Kuroo’s shoulder was the best idea _he_ had ever had.

One of Kuroo’s hands was set stretched out by his head, keeping the curve of his back as he hovered over Kei while the other slipped from his ankle, fingertips leaving burning trails on his calf, to his knee and down to the red and purple marks he had left on his thigh before. He pressed on one of the darker ones, lightly, before sliding back up and gripping to keep it steady while he bent down to press a kiss on the back of his knee.

“I’ll fuck you just like this later, when I can be inside you.”

A moan burst out of him, and his hand on Kuroo tightened making him shiver lightly at the pull. “ _Yes, Tetsu_.”

Kuroo chuckled. "Look at you, all filled up and stretched out, and _still_ all you want is me." The hand Kuroo had on his leg dropped, reaching to where his thigh and his cheeks met, treading lightly until they were at his rim, thumb pressing down. “Gorgeous.”

His cheeks were on fire and he could feel the flush spreading all the way down to his chest, his hair matted against his forehead. He didn’t feel gorgeous, he felt wrecked. He was close, way too close compared to when he did this by himself, but that was just Kuroo.

He felt Kuroo pull out until it was just the head, slowly thrusting back in. With them like this, with Kuroo so close to him, all he could see was Kuroo and it looked like Kuroo was fucking him, like it was Kuroo _inside_ him and he was losing his goddamn mind.

Of course Kuroo fucking noticed. And he kept telling him, how much he wanted to be the one spreading him open, how he wanted to feel Kei around him, hot and tight until both of them couldn't _feel_ anymore, sweaty foreheads pressed together, warm hazel eyes not leaving his while fucking him slow and even.

He came with a cry, cum all over his stomach while Kuroo fucked him through it. His hips stopped jerking and he was kind of floaty when he felt Kuroo pull out the toy from him, leaving him empty. He shuddered, a shiver running through him as he saw Kuroo looking at him with an evil sort of grin. _That's never good news._

Kuroo leaned up to kiss him, letting Kei's legs drop. He lost himself in it and the feel of soft lips and tongues and Kuroo’s hair brushing lightly against his skin, until he felt something running lightly on his abdomen, down to his hip, then the other.

They separated with a sigh and Kuroo just kept grinning at him before looking down, prompting him to the same.

He froze. "Fuck."

Kuroo bit his collarbone again, kissing down to his pec and then his abs before reaching a streak of white. A streak he had spread over his tattoos. _There’s no way. He’s not…_

"Let's clean you up."

His face burst into flame. Kei’s hands flew to tangle in Kuroo’s hair, trying to get a fucking grip before–a broad lick traveled from the edge of his crow all the way up to his abdomen only to leave a kiss before it went back down, cleaning his own release from his skin, going over every inch of ink, every line and feather and wing. His voice was shaky. “ _Tetsurou_.”

Kuroo just have him his best grin before sinking back down on him.

You see, Kei was good at giving head. More than good, if Kuroo's enthusiasm every time he offered was anything to go by, but the truth is this: Kuroo has no shame and a pierced tongue.

Clearly, he couldn't be held responsible for the high pitched whine, or the immediate thrust into Kuroo's mouth when he sunk down to make extra sure Kei was all cleaned up. It was beyond his human control, he couldn't help it if the drag of that blessed piece of metal that rested in his boyfriend's mouth coaxed him back to hardness in what had to be a personal record.

He popped off with a grin. "Hard again already?"

He sounded proud, and he should be. That was all Kuroo’s doing. "Let's take care of that."

A hand wrapped around him, stroking him in the same way it had fucked him, slow and even before letting go. Honestly, he didn't remember when Kuroo had taken his underwear off, but at that one touch of their arousals lining up and a jerk of his hips, he did not fucking care.

Kuroo did most of the work but he was too boneless from his first orgasm to any more than try and keep up with the rhythm, grinding against Kuroo. He was oversensitive and every brush of their cocks together made him feel like jumping out of his skin.

A fist wrapped around them and he mewled, hips fucking into Kuroo's hand.

" _Tetsu, please, please, please_." He didn't know what he was asking for anymore, the feeling of Kuroo against and around him the drowning out everything else. He wanted more and nothing at all.

Kuroo's voice was his anchor, the only thing him tethered to this earth and keeping him from dissolving into a thousand pieces. "One more. Can you do that for me?"

He could do it. He'd do anything if Kuroo asked in _that_ voice, so close, hoarse and deep, wrapping around him and clinging to his skin. The warmth of Kuroo's hand and his cock, slick and gripping them just the right amount when he got to the head. "You're so pretty when you come, Kei."

A shiver ran down his spine and he moaned. He was on the edge again, right on the line, it was too much and not enough and he needed, he needed, needed– "Tetsu."

Kuroo was panting, words coming out labored. "I wanna see you. Come with me?"

That and a hard grip on his head had him falling apart again, Kuroo not far behind. Kei’s legs had fallen to wrap themselves around Kuroo’s waist, his orgasm making them tighten and push Kuroo in further, closer together. Kuroo’s hair was on his shoulder, spent arousals trapped between both of them.

He had noticed, no matter what they did it somehow always ended up with them pressed together, Kuroo kissing the side of his throat.

A bowl of jello had more strength than he did right now but he managed to wring out some words. “Tetsurou.”

“Yeah?”

His eyes were closed, his bones were lead, Kuroo’s weight on his made it a little hard to breathe, and there was stickiness drying on his stomach. “You’re filthy.”

“Yeah.”

Kei let his head fall back to sink into a pillow. “I love you.”

Kuroo hummed. “I know.”

Yeah, naps with Kuroo were fantastic.

* * *

They had showered, changed into comfy clothes, stripped the sheets and were now waiting on dinner while slumped on the couch. Kei felt great. He was loose and limber, and if it wasn’t for the pizza they had on the way plus his stomach grumbling about it he’d long have slipped under the reality that was the aftermath of being well fucked.

It was _great._

 The way Kuroo kept kneading his thighs was also great. If he wasn’t completely fucked out the fingers that would sometimes press on hickeys left behind would be doing something for him, but right now he was content with just existing on his ugly couch. Just when he was about to let himself fall under the lull, the doorbell rang followed by a bang on the door.

The ring startled him awake but the force behind the bang on the door had him narrowing his eyes and lifting himself off the couch before Kuroo could react. Rude-ass delivery boy was going to get a piece of his mind.

He yanked his door open, ready to turn whoever this asshole–

It was Kageyama.

Before he could get over the fact that Kageyama _just keeps popping up_ , King’s hand slammed on the doorframe, knuckles white. "Did you know about this, too?"

Oh, hell no. He had never been good at dealing with Kageyama when _His Highness_ came out to play, which is exactly why he had kept calling him King way after that one conversation in second year. His eyes went sharp, and he kept his tone sweet. "Good night to you to, King. How have you been, would you like to come in?"

Usually, that’d be enough for Kageyama to take a step back and calm the fuck down, but apparently not this time. He spat out the words "Tsukishima, did you know?"

Him and Kageyama had worked out through most of their shit, but that didn’t mean they never got a little heated. Using the extra height and tilting his chin to look down on blue eyes, he sneered "If you could use your words, like normal humans, and tell me what it is you mean, then maybe I coul–"

Kageyama’s hand gripping the collar of his shirt and bringing him face to face with cold eyes and arms shaking with anger yanked at him, made him fumble forward. Kageyama was, in no other words he could describe it with, livid.

His words were a growl.

_"Did you know Hinata turned down the scholarship?"_

_Uhm._

_What._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I write very slowly, but I'm constantly spoiling things over on my [twitter](https://twitter.com/ivyfics) so come yell at me until I post again. I also made pretty pics for the text parts but ao3 is being unreasonable and not showing them so if you wanna see them [ go here](https://twitter.com/ivyfics/status/865322569150468096/photo/1)


	3. There's a Place for You (Here)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukki goes home to Miyagi for Christmas. Hinata does the opposite. There may or may not be a penis card involved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After 800 years, here's the new chapter. 
> 
> As per usual I don't know what I'm doing so be gentle.
> 
> Texting format changed a little.

Being told that Tsukki’s mom was French wasn’t a shock because, well, genetics.

Tsukki is almost two meters tall with blond hair and golden eyes. Absolutely no surprises there.

Learning that Tsukki spoke french was unexpected but not too far-out because, you know,  French mom. Realising he only spoke French with his mother and turned a lovely pink when doing it because he was embarrassed was illuminating, a gift to humanity, a gift to him personally, the cutest fucking thing on the planet.

_Like literally every single other thing he does, even when I fuck up and he glares at me all day._

Hearing him speak it for the first time was a jolt, placing a hot iron in his lungs when Tsukki picked up a call from his mom with Kuroo sitting not a meter away, black hair spewing in every direction covering droopy eyes, legs crowding Tsukki’s coffee table and spilling some of his late night coffee on the blue ink littering his notes.

The conversation didn’t last long and it was a muffled mumbled mess, both of them sprawled on the floor with their backs resting on Tsukki ugly ass couch, thick black rims hanging from fingers that had gently removed them from his face when he brought the phone up to his ear, slight pink visible even from where his face was turned sideways.  

They weren’t even close to being together then. In all instances before that one phone call, no matter how late or tired he was, Tsukki would always get up and take the call in a different room.

(He’d never not take it, though.)

It hit him that this was something Tsukki felt kind of vulnerable about and that Kuroo had become someone he was kind of okay sharing that with.

It was a big fucking deal.

It filled him with an odd sense of pride and–not that he would ever in his lifetime admit to it, just because everyone knows he cries at the sappy shit doesn’t mean he’s gonna make it easy for them–a fullness in his nostrils that extended all the way to the back of his eyes and parked at the very middle of his throat.

Cold seeped into his hands, drawing him out from memories and inducing a shiver he felt even underneath his coat, gloved fingers rubbing against each other for warmth. If it got any colder his breath would be visible and that’d be really cool and all, but Tsukki would turn into a non-functioning burrito.

The blonde was still behind him, his back facing the stream of pedestrians and standing off to the side to not interfere with the flow of people coming and going. His voice was low, inaudible really.

Now that he thinks back to the whole speaking French thing, it also made him kind of sad because Tsukki should never be embarrassed about something like that but he’s been trying to look at the bright side of things in the name of the holiday spirit or something. All that loving christmas or whatever, Tsukki is the one who really celebrates.  

He’s gonna spend his break alone and working anyway.

The amount of shifts you can pick up while everyone else wants to go on vacation is astounding. Squirrelling away all the extra cash into his bank account to keep him away from tutoring (and doing other people’s work for them) when classes were back on had been SOP for as long as he had been in college.

Sometimes it was enough, sometimes it wasn’t but it’s not like he couldn’t _not_ work.

Asking his family for money was something he’d like to avoid as much as possible. It took Bokuto being a colossal asshole for a considerable amount of time just to agree on a lower piece of the rent.

So, the retail and service experience was it. Didn’t make as much money as tutoring but nobody wants to wade in the waters of chemistry and shit of the sort when they could be, I don’t know, doing absolutely anything else ever.

 _He_ didn’t want to and he actually liked it.

Going back home and visiting Yuuko was something he could do–and probably would have to, if he couldn’t convince her to meet him somewhere else–but that’d be more depressing than being alone and serving all those giggly pink-faced couples on Christmas and New year’s, honestly–

A deep exhale parted his lips and he willed himself into the same ease he’d been riding most of the day.

All of that could wait. They were going on a date today.

Apparently they ‘ _did nothing_ ’ and were ‘ _acting like a couple of old farts_.’ In order to remedy that, a proper date was in order. A last hurrah before Tsukki took off to spend winter break back in Miyagi with his mom, the French one.

Tsukki’s other mom, Michiko, had been adamant he come back the day before so that he could help set everything up for when Sabine arrived. 

A gust of the December wind broke him out of his musing. That and the old lady that had violently and unapologetically crashed into his shoulder where he stood unmoving like an idiot in the middle of the sidewalk.  

He turned back to where Tsukki was facing the wall and holding a hand over his ear so that he could hear over the roar of the crowds. He had switched back to Japanese somewhere while Kuroo took a trip down memory lane, voice muffled by the thick scarf around his neck.

It was an early Christmas present from Sabine shipped straight from France so that he could actually wear while it was still cold.

Thick, woollen and pale blue. The scarf came in a  set that included gloves plus a beanie, and every time he wore it out a weird feeling sat on Kuroo’s chest, a very large and painful stab to his gut.

That stab brought back Kei’s face when he got it for the first time, the excitement in his eyes when he saw the postage all over the package. How he stared at it for a while before taking it out of the box. How he was already dialling his mother’s number with a soft look in his eyes.

Kei was so fucking happy and all he could focus on was the bitter taste in his tongue and _I wonder what that feels like_.

It was an unpleasant feeling, envy. Burns a lot.  

“ _Maman,_ I know. Yeah, the angel–yes, I know which one, the one with the glass wings. I’ll make sure it’s at the top. Uh-huh. I’ll already be home by the time you get there. Okay, I’ll make sure. _Je t'adore aussi, maman_.”

Tsukki hung up with a sigh. Long fingers ran through his hair and even before he had fully turned he could see the fondest exasperation in his eyes. _Yeah, still burns_.

“Sorry.”

Kuroo plunged his hands into pockets, willing away the last tendrils of unpleasantness from him. “It’s cool.”

A frown took over Kei’s face. “It’s freaking cold, is what it is.”

Kuroo eyes lit up, a fake gasp leaving his lips. “You made a pun.”

That got him the  same look of fond exasperation as before, as it if Kuroo was somehow so annoyingly endearing Tsukki couldn’t help but show it. His throat tightened. _Ah, there’s the guilt._

He took a second to cleanse himself of that, pushing it out before it rose up to taint the rest of their evening. Tsukki was already half a block away, looking back at him and waiting for him to catch up.

Tsukki stared. “You coming?”

Putting on his most hopeful expression he sighed out “God, I hope so.”

A glare. _He could murder me and I would thank him. But only as long as he did it with his legs._

They were a couple of blocks over and away from the main stream of pedestrians when Kuroo asked “So where are you taking me on this date?”

“There’s this girl I want to see.”

Kuroo smirked. “Oh, is she cute? Have you finally decided to recognise my superior wingman abilities?”

“Yes, in fact, I’m on my way to propose to her with your help right now,” Kei deadpanned.

Now Kuroo was curious. It's a thing Kei did a lot, take a scenario and run with it. “Ambitious. Am I the ring-bearer in the wedding?”

Kei looked over, disgust taking over his features. “You’d steal Bokuto’s limelight like this?”

“But if Bokuto is on ring duty, who’s gonna release the doves!?”

Kei looked at him as if he were daft. “Kenma, of course.”

Like, duh.“Right,” Kuroo nodded, “and who’s gonna release the doves when Kenma quits halfway because he’s afraid of doves?”

Kei clicked his tongue, rolling his eyes and gesturing with his hand. “By that point Bokuto would have heard about the doves, misplaced the rings, ran there and taken over.”

He could see that. “And Akaashi?”

“With the actual rings, not the decoys Bokuto had.”

“And the others?”

Kei started counting them off, hands deep in his pockets. “Yachi is the pretty crier who coordinates everything. Yamaguchi is my best man, obviously. Yamaguchi will freak out but Yachi will slap him until he’s calm- don’t give me that look, I’ve seen it happen. Then Akiteru’s going to freak out and Saeko-nee will definitely slap him. That’s going to be very funny. ”

“Kageyama’s going to get lost, arrive at the wedding 3 minutes before it starts and immediately go to the buffet after. I don’t trust Hinata with my shoe, much less my wedding, but he likes to dance so there’s that. Him and Kageyama will get into an eating contest half an hour in, leading to Hinata being sick and somehow running into someone unpleasant in the bathroom. Don’t ask, it’s tradition. ”  

Kuroo stopped suddenly and straightened up, making Kei turn to face him. “Hello, you’re missing me. Am I not in the wedding party?” He clutched at his coat, outrage all over his face. “After all I did for you and the bride, you ingrate!”

“Chill. You’re in the back, crying about the fact that I am literally the gayest person alive and I still married this girl over you. And because of the flowers, the arrangements will be beautiful.”

“Yeah, Yamaguchi really will go all out.” He resumed walking, gait lose and slow. “Are we still together after all of this?”

“Uh, duh. We have a torrid not-so-secret affair until my wife dies.”

He gasped. “Oh no, what happened?”

Kei’s face was stony. “Nothing anyone can prove.”

Their destination was a small cafe, hidden almost. He would make fun of Tsukki being into hidden shops like the bitter hipster that he is but this cafe served the best hazelnut coffee he had ever tasted in his life so he kept his trap shut. When they were going in Kei started, reaching for the door, “It’s that singer I showed you. She’s playing in here today so we’re going to listen to her for a bit while eating cake.”

This was a dumb question. He asked it anyway.“What kind of cake?”

There was that look again, as if Kuroo was a complete fool. “The only cake that matters. Grab a table? My treat.”

“Alright.”

The place was small and cozy with fewer tables spaced further apart to give it a sense of privacy. Towards the back there was a stage where a girl with long auburn hair was sitting, tuning her guitar. Kuroo recognised her as the singer Kei had shown him a couple of weeks back.

He picked a table close enough to the stage that they could hear properly but not too close that they couldn't talk, right against the wall where he knew Kei would be more comfortable.

Kei came back with a tray, two cups and two small plates in the middle. “I thought you were getting cake. The only cake that matters."

After taking a seat he pushed a plate with white and brown layers and a fine cocoa powder dusting in Kuroo’s direction, the cup next to it filled with tea. “Tiramisu is technically not a cake. The only cake that matters is the one I like, all other cakes can perish.”

He could feel the corners of his mouth lifting with no prompting, Kei’s eyes buried in the glazed strawberries topping the generous portion of cake in his plate. “So, everything but tiramisu and strawberry shortcake can die a painful death?”

Stabbing a strawberry with his fork before meeting eyes with Kuroo, he answered. “Yes.”

* * *

The singer didn’t sound the same when playing live but the food was good and Tsukki seemed to too into his cake to really care about that. Afterwards, when they were outside in the cold Kuroo suggested a detour to a park while they walked back.

He had been going past it all month when heading to Tsukki’s and had been meaning to take him there. It had gotten colder, so he shimmied next to Kei and pulled a gloved hand out of his pockets and into his, twining their hands together. Preserving heat and whatnot.

The park was on the smaller side, quiet and with rows of hanging lights giving just enough light to not trip over themselves. It was romantic as shit and Kuroo put it down in his book as a hit. They ended up next to one another on a bench, breathing the crisp air in, the barely there heat of Tsukki’s body anchoring him to the wooden seat.  

His voice was low, sinking into the silence that settled over them. “Excited to go back home?”

Kei seemed to feel the same, voice soft and low.“Yeah, I am.”

He lets his head drop on Kei’s shoulder, the slight height difference to his advantage. His hair was resting on thick wool but all he registered was how cushiony it felt. “Going to live it up, celebrating baby jesus.”  

Kei’s hand sneaked up to play with Kuroo’s hair automatically, blunt nails running lightly behind his ears. “It’s not about that. Or presents, either. It’s just… My mom always comes back from France. It’s her favorite holiday. What about you, any plans while I’m gone?”

Tetsurou hummed, happy and pleased and not feeling that uncomfortable feeling in gut. Nope, it’s not there. “Nah, not much aside from a couple of part time gigs. Gonna hang with Bo before he goes on his family vacation.”

He let his eyes close, Kei’s hand lulling his thoughts. “Then I’ll pester Kenma as much as I can with him and Tora still sorting out their whole apartment thing. Set up a day or two to see Yuuko. Kazu said something about getting together with a group or something but it’s meh.”

“Eh, go out for a night, let loose. It’s been awhile since you’ve had the time.”

“I don’t know, it sounds like they want to go all out.”

He could feel Kei’s questioning look, so he answered without prompting. “Those parties aren’t really my thing.”

Kei gave him the filthiest, most arched eyebrow. “I distinctly recall one date where we interrupted four times by people inviting you to parties. Four different parties. Before we left campus to go on the date. ”

Tilting his head up to meet Kei’s eyes before looking towards the horizon and putting on his best grandpa voice, he said “I was a different man back then, Tsukki. Times have changed.”

“Really? How so?” Kei’s teasing tone could be heard from miles away.

He was going to say something dumb, keep the game going. He turned back to face Kei, comeback on the tip of his tongue and he stopped dead. Kei was there, smirk half on his face, waiting for him to say something. This far from the hanging lights his face was barely illuminated, the lightness of his hair catching the brighter glints.  

Here they were on a date before christmas and Kei loved him enough to sit in the middle of a dark park in the freezing cold and look honestly interested in what he thinks and what he wants to say, and after this–oh man, after this they’re going to go to his place and they’re almost certainly going to cuddle in bed.

Kuroo wasn’t even thinking about whatever might happen in that bed except that he gets to cuddle Kei for a little longer before he finishes packing to go home. Kei was pretty as fuck and Kuroo was very gay and he felt like making it less playful and being honest about shit for once.

The words tore from his throat. “I was lonely.”

That shut Kei’s playful mood up immediately. He didn't understand how people thought Kei was cold and uncaring,  how they thought he was a blank slate when even when he couldn't see him Kei’s body language was an open book.

Maybe it was that they won’t see each other in a while, or maybe it was that he was still reeling from watching piercing angry blue eyes storm in and shake this person that feels so much more than he lets on.

His mouth kept going even before his brain couldn't really register what he has saying. They’ve talked about this before, about how no matter how much he wanted to Tetsurou didn’t get attached, how he liked people and bodies and the things they could do together. He has never shared _this_. He now truly understood why Kei freaked out so much over blurting out his confession half-asleep.

“Alcohol and sex are really great if you don’t want to feel lonely for a while. Music loud enough not to let you think, and a warm body to borrow for a couple of hours.”

“Oh?” Kei’s tone was perfect. There was no pity there, no feeling sorry. Just curiosity, genuine interest. It makes him feel less like he’s gonna throw up.

He could feel the nervous laugh try and come up but he smothered it down. “Yup. Momentary intimacy at it’s finest. It was nice while it lasted but then I just hated myself all over again. It’s not that I don’t like to go all out but from experience I know what kind of party that is. Bo’s not gonna be there and neither are you, so what’s the point?”

Kuroo felt open. Exposed. He liked jokes and puns and pranks. He was the fun guy, the guy that makes sure everyone’s having a good time, even if it’s by being an asshole.

Somehow–and if he ever found out how in the hell he did it he was gonna patent that shit and get filthy rich– he got Kei to love him back, to open up and share but it still felt like slowly peeling his skin back when he did it himself; itchy and uncomfortable.  

He cried at the sappy shit and right then the soft look coming from Kei, that hand gripping the back of his neck that’s telling him _‘I get, it’s okay’_ was hitting all the right–wrong?– buttons but getting snot on Kei’s fucking love scarf was not a good idea. _Time to tone it down, Satan._ “If you were here, though. That’d be something else. Let me take you to one? All my asshole friends have been apologising nonstop, I’ve been getting free lunch all term. It's hilarious ”

Kei seemed to catch his drift, looking away. “Sure. I wanna see their faces when they see me again, that sounds like fun.”

“Evil.”

They were quiet for a while before Kei spoke up. “Momentary intimacy, huh?”

Tetsurou sighed, heart rate back down to something non-lethal. “Yeah. I know what the real thing feels like now, so it just lost it’s appeal, ya know?”

Kei’s voice was hesitant.“I... do, actually. There was a period in third year and before I came to Tokyo. ‘momentary intimacy’ was-uh, rampant.”

“Why’d you stop?” Tetsurou mimicked Kei’s earlier tone, leaning more of himself on Kei’s side.  

The smile following  the chuckle that burst out of Kei was audible even if he couldn’t see him. “Yamaguchi kicked my ass.”

“Freckles-kun did? How?”

That fondness from before drowned the words. “He called my mom. The French one.”

He could feel the love radiating from them and that cloud of sludge he had been ignoring most of the night expanded inside him.  

 _Please, no. Please not now. Let me have this_.

What, he couldn’t have a conversation with Kei without it coming up now? God, he was so pathetic.

Who was the one always telling Kei he could talk about everything with him?

He couldn't even help with whatever’s going on with Kei and his friends. All he could do was stand there and watch when Mr.Entitled-McFuckFace came by, ruined their afterglow, and put a pinched expression on Kei’s face.

And now he can’t fucking listen to Kei talk about something that’s important to him without his gut twisting into knots?

_Fan-fucking-tastic._

He wanted to listen. He wanted to know, he wanted to take every single thing Kei willingly shared with him and treasure it. The worst part was that he really, truly enjoyed listening to Kei talk about them. He could sit and listen for hours. They sounded like amazing people and maybe, someday, he’d have the chance to meet them.

Nope. Tetsurou was not going to be that guy, he was going to suck it up and put his best face on.

He willed himself back into the conversation, letting the cadence of Kei’s voice pull him away from the mess going on in his head.

“She wasn’t even mad, she was just sad. Booked a flight and was here three days later. Didn’t tell my other mom about it, either. We talked a lot. I was dealing with stuff, and not really thinking about what I was doing. It was a group of things piling up and she made me work through them. Remember when I told you about how I had shitty experiences with exes? That was one of them.”

Tetsurou let out a sigh. “Y’know sometimes I wonder what would’ve happened if I hadn’t chickened out and actually asked for your number.”

Kei’s shoulders have always been broad, even back then before he really filled out, limbs long and lean. That back facing him as he boarded the bus after one last glance in Tetsurou’s direction with no way to keep in touch had stayed engraved his mind.

For a brief moment in time he thought of getting it through Kenma but he was too afraid to, in the end. Then college was coming up and it thinking about the blonde with the right kind of sense of humour and killer legs took backseat to figuring out how to be an adult.  

Kei snorted. “We would have hated each other.”

No hesitation.

“Sounds like you’ve thought about it.”

“I was an asshole with the emotional maturity of a potato and you pissed me off to no end. You were an even bigger asshole who loved to get a rise out of people and had no idea when you crossed the line. Long distance would have been terrible, too. We needed to grow up.”  

“Maybe.”

They let the conversation die out, enjoying the silence around them. It was getting late though, and getting murdered on a park bench really wasn't how he wanted to go. He poked Kei’s side.“Hey. Wanna go back and get real intimate?”

It was Kei turn to sigh. “You know, you were going to get some until you opened your mouth.”

Slowly, they rose from the bench and headed towards the exit. Dim rows of hanging lights almost behind them still caught the glint of Kei’s hair, his hand pulling on Tetsurou’s before they crossed the park entrance. Kei spoke into his side, not bothering to stop their walking, fingers linked. “Tetsu.”

“Hmm?”

“I- uhm. I’m glad we talked. If you want to again, I’ll listen.”

* * *

 Everything was shit.

It really went downhill at midnight–because why the fuck not, who needs sleep anyway?–when his doorbell rang and on his doorstep was a mop of ginger hair with swollen eyes.

His eyes darted back to Kuroo who was lounging on the couch, pink Hello Kitty pjs and green fluffy socks in tow. Kei just sighed and let Hinata in. Then he took a good look at the mess in front of him and turned to face Kuroo. “Please leave.”

Hinata’s eyes widened, mouth ready to spew some of that garbled nonsense but Kuroo just nodded and got up, trailing into the bedroom to get changed.

Kei was grateful that they had gotten some sort of alone time together after their date, his bag already packed and ready for his train ride tomorrow. He was loose and warm and about two minutes from being cajoled into one of the facemasks Kuroo liked, not an unusual aftermath for when he and Kuroo shared a shower.

When Kuroo emerged from his bedroom all dressed and ready to go Hinata mumbled “Sorry. I know it’s the last day,” embarrased.

Kuroo turned to look at him and reached out to ruffle his hair, smirk already in place. According to a late night conversation ages ago Hinata always reminded him of Kenma which gave him a soft-spot for the kid. 

 Kei was standing just before the genkan, watching and it was his turn next. Kuroo wrapped his arms around Kei’s waist and laid a small kiss on the side of his throat before asking “Meet you tomorrow for lunch?”

“Yeah. Call me awake?"

"Sure.” Another kiss and then he was leaving, throwing his farewell body half out the door. “Night Moonshine~”

Kei had planned on telling Hinata all the ways he was an idiot the next time he saw him, expecting it to be when he arrived in Miyagi. By Hinata’s face it seemed like he wouldn’t have to. “So,” he started, “what happened?”

“Kageyama–”

Kei snorted. “Obviously.”

“–came to see me today.”

Okay. That was maybe not good. Kageyama had left Kei’s apartment as upset and he had arrived. He wasn’t as angry, but those two bickered even when they were happy so that reunion may have not gone the best.  

Alright. He’d been handling Kageyama related emergencies for a while.

 _I can do this_.

“I thought he wasn’t going until Tuesday. What did he say?”

Hinata didn’t seem to listen, plowing on ahead. “Are you mad, too?”

 _I cannot do this_.

He kept quiet. _Yes? No? It’s not my business?_

Sitting down to talk with Kuroo about it had helped a lot. It had made him see things differently but honestly he still had no idea how he felt about the whole thing. Part of him wondered if he even had a say.

Hinata could make his own choices. Granted this choice wasn't the greatest thing Kei could possibly think of but that was Shouyo’s prerogative. “It’s more like disbelief. You didn’t tell anyone. I can see why, but still.“

Hinata slumped onto the couch, voice going small. “I had to try.”

He had always been honest with Hinata, and he wasn’t going to stop now. “Try what? If it was giving up a shot at actually doing what you wanted, congratulations.”

It might have come off a tad bitter but it was Kei. Hinata knew what he was getting.

There was something bothering him about the whole thing. It was one of the first things to be on his mind ever since Kageyama showed up. If he was being honest, it was something that he had been thinking about for a while, with Hinata playing in the mediocre team from a college back home. So he asked, tone going hard at the implications.

“Was it because of Kageyama?”

Hinata didn’t say anything but his shoulders stiffened, head still slumped and not meeting Kei’s eyes. When did Hinata become this...defeated?

When did he stop putting up a fight? _Okay, so I am angry._

To think the day would come when Kei would be angry Hinata wasn’t being hot blooded. _Tadashi would be so proud._

Well, if there was anything Kei knew how to do it was how to rile Hinata up.

“Wow. You worked your ass off for it and then gave up all your hard work for a _boy_ ,” he sneered. “No one is worth that, not even your King.”

It was like watching a rubber snap, the way his head flew up, orange curls flying about. “It wasn’t because of hi–How can you say that! You’re in love. You-you, you have someone! And they love you back–”

Kei interrupted him. “Get real. Kuroo is my boyfriend. Still, I wouldn’t give something like that up for him and he knows that. He’d call me stupid for trying, too.”

“As someone who has had front row seats to this entire show: Suck it up. You won’t confess to him, but you won’t let go. How much longer are you going to stop doing things, or keep doing dumb shit because of it. Since when are you a whiny kid who just gives up on what he wants?

“That’s cruel. You’re cold, Tsukishima.” Hinata’s voice was smaller even and he felt like the biggest asshole alive but  _Oh_.

It had been awhile since he heard that. He ignored the pressure on his chest, and kept going, eyes turning hard his voice even and uninterested. “I don’t care. You did something stupid. I know this might come as a surprise to you, but I actually give a shit–”

Hinata seemed to realise what he said, and jumped up from his seat. “Tsukishi–”

“ –and you’ve been going in circles for years. It wasn’t pleasant to watch but you never did something so dumb. It’s not like you didn’t want it.”

Hinata was standing now, gaze heavy and hands balled into fists. “I didn’t want to mess everything up!”

“You already did,” Kei deadpanned.

“I literally can’t wrap my head around it. You’ve been miserable, and we thought it was because you didn’t get in on top of everything else that was going on and that with time you’d figure it out, but you did this to yourself.”

This was so shitty, Kei was the absolute worst. “Was your partnership with Kageyama really so weak that unless you can kiss him, it’s wasn’t worth it?”

Hinata was vibrating. “Idiotshima, of course it’s worth it!”

“Then why did you give up?”

Hinata  _snapped._

Brown eyes locked with his, his voice louder than anything he had said that night. “I was scared!”

At his admission, the fight drained out of him. Hinata’s legs folded to dump himself back on the couch.

“I _am_ scared.” Hinata let his head fall on the back of the couch and stared at the ceiling. “It’s easy when it’s only me and I don’t even think about failing. I don’t want to hurt them or leave them alone. They need me. It’s just us now.”

It felt like highschool all over again, when they would wait until it was lights out and moonlight and quiet to say things they weren’t brave enough to say when the sun still shone, searing bright and all seeing, as if they could push it all to this space of time where they weren’t really them, where they could wake up the next day and whatever they had uttered in the dark stayed there in realms of dreams and nightmares, intangible and weightless.

Kei thought back to a similar conversation, one with familiar blond hair and kind eyes.

“I can’t believe this is going to leave my mouth. Ugh.”

Hinata let out a quiet laugh. “You always say that.”

He dropped next to Hinata, sinking when the worn cushion gave way to his weight. Deep breath. “Being scared is okay but you’re allowed to do things that will make you, and only you, happy even if they don’t make things easier for everyone else. Your mom and Natsu will be fine. You don’t have to postpone chasing things for them.”

> _I just want you to be happy. Nothing else. That happiness comes in your terms, not mine, Aki’s, or any boy’s. Just yours._

“They want you to be happy.”

Sad smiles on Hinata were awful, like waking up and realising it was opposite day. “I know.”

“Are you?”

“Sometimes.”

It was bittersweet, because if two years ago you asked Hinata is he was happy the answer would have been an immediate resounding _yes_.

Kei smirked, doing his best to move past that thought before it could spiral. “Did you tell your mom you were running away in the middle of the night so you wouldn’t have to deal with Kageyama while he’s in Miyagi?”

Hinata had the sense to look chided. Folks, the man who blatantly sneaked into a training camp he wasn’t invited to at age fifteen now runs away to a different city in the middle of the night to avoid talking to his crush.

“Yeah. Not the last part.”

“You should tell them about everything. See where it goes.”

“Maybe. Tsukishima?”

Kei grunted, eyes already closed. He had to move soon, lest he fall asleep on the couch and spend the next week with a crick in his neck. He also needed a pillow and a couple of blankets for the short round.

“D’you think he’ll forgive me or is he gonna be angry forever?” Hinata’s voice wobbled.

As if Kageyama could ever stay forever angry at this idiot. “Eh, fifty-fifty.”

“Tsukishima?”

“What.”

“I’m sorry about the ‘cold’ thing. You’re not. I know you don’t like that, don’t know what I was thinking.”

Kei sighed. “Sorry I told you to suck it up. You looked dead and I wanted to get a reaction out of you. I know you’re trying.”

They had learned early on that with the amount of fighting they ended up doing they needed to apologise for the unintentional–or in this case intentional but hurtful–things they said or they would end up hating each other. This is what he thought of when people were in disbelief that he and Hinata could be friends. The silence they were sharing, that look in Hinata’s eyes when he was deep in thought. He laid there soaking up the moonlight streaming through the windows.

Later, he spoke again, mirth in his tone. “Dashi’s gonna kick your ass.”

Hinata moaned, already dreading that conversation.“Yeah, I’m dead.”

* * *

Someday he was going to murder Kuroo. There was a day not long ago when that violent, unnecessary screeching was endearing but now Kei saw himself for the fool he truly was. And he had asked for this?

What a moron.

Past Kei needed to make better choices, something that did not include having his boyfriend call him way before his body was ready to stop sleeping. Not after a night with interrupted sleep courtesy of the orange gremlin falling hard against the floor at around four in the morning.

The gremlin had the audacity to add to the noise with groans that could be heard even through the thin veil of sleep he was clinging to. Quiet fell suddenly and Kei flipped onto his stomach, burying his face in the pillows and tangling the blankets around his legs.

Yowling.

Violent Yowling.

After a couple of tries he managed to bring up the phone to his ear. “Kuroo, I swear to everything that you hold holy you will pay for this.”

Waking up? Not good. Kuroo’s laugh in his ear while he’s warm in bed? Fantastic. “Shorty kept you up late?”

“I despise you. Loathe you.”

Kuroo singsonged “You have to get up, moonshine.”

“Tetsu. Sleep,” he moaned.

Even with his face fully smushed against a pillow he could pick up the worried tone from Kuroo’s voice. “If you’re really that tired maybe you should sleep some more, that train ride while you’re tired cannot be fun. We could skip lunch and meet up at the station?”

Station, What?

Right, he was leaving today.

Wait.

He was leaving today.

Kei shot up, hand not holding his phone bearing his weight, legs still tangled and everything blurry. “No. No. I don’t want to skip lunch. Give me an hour, I’ll meet you, uh–where are we going again?”

Kuroo chuckled.“Diner by the station. You don’t have to rush, take it easy.”

“Yeah, easy. I’ll text you before I leave. ”

It took him longer to get out of bed and into the bathroom than to actually shower. He left everything organised so that he wouldn’t have to deal with that when he came back. When he was done he remembered an orange haired addition to his apartment.

Hinata was still on the couch, small foot was sticking out from the top, the rest of him hidden except for a dangling hand. Circling to it’s font, Kei sighed and pulled out his phone. Hinata’s other foot was set flat on the ground, the arm not dangling from the armrest thrown about his face and muffling low snores. The blanket had ended up fully beneath the coffee table.

Kei had to stop himself from sending the pictures he took to the group chat. No amount of running would help if he gave away were Hinata was.

Poking the gremlin in the chest with his socked toe until he roused, Kei said “Wake up.”

“Gwhuh?”

Hinata looked even worse, chin smeared with drool and eyes unfocused. Kei took another photo and sent it to Kuroo. He could show them to Yamaguchi later. “I’m leaving. Are you going back with me?”

Hinata blinked before throwing himself back on the couch. “Told my mom I was going to visit Kenma.”

He had figured as much so threw his spare set of keys, hitting Hinata square in his chest. “You can stay here while I’m gone so that at least you don’t cockblock him.”

Kei picked his bag and Kuroo’s gift from were it was next to his shoes before sliding them on. “If you break my house I will murder you.”

Hinata spluttered. “How am I going to break your entire house!?”

Throwing one last glance at the boy on the couch before closing the door, he hissed out “ _Murder_.”

* * *

The diner by the station wasn’t that far so it didn’t take Kei long to walk in, Kuroo already seated by one of the tables against the wall. He placed the bag with Kuroo’s gift in front of him before sitting and stealing the cup of coffee his boyfriend was holding. “You’re drinking coffee right before lunch. Why?”

“I don’t understand the question.”

Kei took a sip and sighed. “Don’t overdose on caffeine while I’m gone.”

Kuroo leaned in, chin resting on the back of his palms. “No promises. Everything okay with the shrimp?”

He thought about it for a second. “It’s.. it’s not great. Could be worse. He'll sort it out. Probably.”

"Probably?"

“Worse case scenario it all goes horribly wrong and they never speak to each other again."

“Harsh. Will they really?”

Kei snorted “No. It’s going to be fine.” Then, he added “Eventually.”

They ordered and talked all through lunch, Kei’s legs under the table spread out and tangled with Kuroo’s.

Tall people problems.

They made the best of it, playfully jabbing at each other’s calves and ankles. By jabbing Kei mean they were borderline playing footsie. When they were done they started the trek to the train station, both of them walking as slow as possible. His train wasn’t until three and it was currently one so they had time.

They might have ducked out of sight on the way there to make out. A couple of times.

On the platform Kuroo's arm was slung around his shoulder, body turned so that their sides were pressed together. Every couple of minutes his eyes would linger on Kei’s lips, gaze pointing down for a couple of seconds before snapping back up. Kei knew Kuroo wanted to kiss him but was being respectful and trying to not push the PDA too hard on the crowded platform. His train was on time and just about to arrive when Kuroo took his hand back and dug into one of the deep pockets inside his jacket.

White with a gold ribbon across, it was a small box. Kuroo held it out to him nonchalantly expecting Kei to take it without a word. “What.”

“Your present. Or part of it.”

Kei frowned. “I thought you were sending it to Miyagi?”

“I did, this stayed behind. Don’t open it until you’re home.”

He was about ask exactly why when his train was pulling up into the platform. Kuroo got a wry smile on his face. “Text me when you get there?”

Kei nodded, feet glued to where he was standing. Before Kuroo could move further away, he leaned forward and placed a slow, chaste kiss to his lips. Kuroo’s cheeks bloomed with pink, not expecting it and Kei snickered. “See you later.”

* * *

**TETSU[4:05 PM]**

 >>  _Kuroo_

 

 << told u not to open it

_> >Tetsu_

_> > There are old women on this train_

_> > In which I am stuck in_

_> >Who are going to the same place as me_

<< still told u not to open it

_> > Tetsurou_

<< all I hear is the sound of me telling you not to open it

_> > Like you didn't plan for exactly this to happen _

_> > How did you even get a card like this_

<< it’s a nice card

_> > Where would they sell this_

<< nowhere

<< i had bokkun make it

<< that reminds me

<< we have to call him bokkun now

_> > Payment for the phallic card?_

<< yeah he was sad his nickname wasn’t cuter

<< apparently he made a new friend whose nickname was really cute

<< ita-chan? ima-chan?

<< anyway ita-chan’s friend called him bokkun

<< and now he loves it

_> > Oh dear god_

<< what

_> >You don’t know this but_

_> > You just gave me the greatest gift_

_> >Did you open yours yet?_

<< im about to

<< Tsukkiiiiiiiiii

<<  <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

<< how did u know I wanted these

_> > I snooped_

<< snooped?

_> > Prank Week Privilege_

_> >You never clear your browsing history, do you?_

<< naughty

<< find any embarrassing porn?

_> > No but you did google chemistry pickup lines so your dignity is non-existent anyway_

<< joke’s on you I didn’t have any to begin with

_> > Wow I don’t even have to do anything_

_> > You’ll drag yourself_

<< you got me face masks idc

<< the phone case and strap is for yuuko right? Its rlly pretty  

<< i would take offense at the hair stuff but it’s the kind i like in both brand and smell so i’m cool

<< and the hair clips are cute as fuck

_> > Kenma’s present was a matching set_

<<...

_> > ?_

<< i

<< i have never loved anyone more in my life

<< fuck i want to see you

<< you’re going to be away a whole month

<< it’s been like an hour and i miss you already

_> > Tetsu_

<< i know

<< just

<< the small yellow package in the box is for your brother and his wife

<< you know

<< for the baby

_> > That’s nice_

_> > Thank you_

<< it’s just a little knick knack

<< didn’t you say you had to be the favorite uncle or sth

<< gotta get on that

_> > Tetsu_

<< yea

_ >> Me too_

_> > Even if you give me sex toys and a sparkly penis pop-up card when I’m going to be in a crowded train full of judgy old ladies_

<< ur welcome

<<  <3<3<3<3<3<3

 

 

There were still some stares in his direction and he was covered in glitter but it wasn’t bothering him as much with his headphones in. He was going home with a glitter penis po-pup christmas card and a new gold bullet vibrator and as ridiculous as that sounds he was happy.

Putting his things away, he planned ahead for what was coming. The tattoo appointment was set for two days later, giving him enough time to heal the worst of it before he got back. Then there was the whole Kageyama issue, if he was already in Miyagi.

Kei could admit he was petty enough to not leave that alone and poke a few jabs here and there while he was in Kageyama’s way.

A chirp from his phone caught his attention, vibration going and going with Hinata’s messages.

 

**HINATA[4:15 PM]**

<<  tsukishima!!!

<<  just realised!!!!!! i wont b able to see when u go to the studio

_ >>  Lol loser _

_ >>  D: _

_ >>  Your gift is stuffed in the back of the cabinet with the rice   _

<<  bottom of ur backpack

<<  tsukishima

_ >> What _

<<  Thanks.

* * *

On the list of things that completely decimate his spirit, running into Akemi is probably all the way up there with a family dinner, maybe even above it.

He was already feeling shit about Tsukki leaving and feeling even more shit for feeling shit when Tsukki is only leaving for a month and a couple of days at most. Maybe pulling himself from where he was doing his best impersonating a starfish in one of the facemasks Tsukki got him wasn’t the best idea if it meant something like this.

He’s had a couple of weeks of this soul-crushing feeling to work things out. At first he was scared he was becoming a little _too_ dependant on having Tsukki around but they hadn’t really seen that much of each other since a month before finals. They saw each other at practice and they slept over at each other’s every couple of days but it’s not like they were together 24/7.

Then the scarf came in and it all made terrifying sense.

It’s not just that Tsukki is going to be away but that he’s going to be away to be with his family that loves him to pieces, and that Bokuto has already started packing for his family vacation, and that Kenma is busy juggling setting up his life with his own beau, a new job and spending time with his family after being away. Akaashi was going to stay behind to join the end of year workforce, too, but he and his mom were tighter than anything else on the planet. 

Tetsurou didn't fit there.They were his family and all of his family was busy with theirs.

He was happy the people he loved are loved, he was. But it was like a constant reminder that that’s something unknown to him. Even his relationship with Yuuko, as much as he completely adores her and would tear anyone who hurts her limb by limb, is not comparable.

Yuuko was the baby, and he took care of her.

That brought on a whole slew of feelings he did not want to go into. It had been so long since he felt like this. High school, maybe? Kenma was always there for him, as was Bokuto and that feeling had diminished. 

Things were changing and it was coming back in full force.

Tetsurou thought he’d be an adult and go get some fancy coffee somewhere nice instead of letting his thoughts fester into this big ugly ball.

You know, self-care and all that.

Wrong.

Wrong time, wrong place, wrong everything.

Her auburn hair had remained unchanged in the year since he last saw her. Maybe, just maybe, if he turned real quick and sprinted away he could outrun this situation and all the things that came with it.

He didn’t turn fast enough.

* * *

Being back home was good. Exhausting, but good. He wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to the fact that Tanaka was technically part of his family now, but Saeko-nee was pretty decent. Okay, pretty decent was an understatement but he couldn't outright say he liked her better than he liked Akiteru most of the time or he’d have to spend his entire break dealing with his moping. He was sure everyone had already noticed, anyway.

Arriving at the station was interesting. Yamaguchi was waiting for him, hair longer than ever and put up in a bun, with some sunglasses and leaning on a wall. The arm holding his phone was half-hidden by ink, all of it something Kei had seen only in texts and video calls. Hitoka had snapped the entire thing as it was happening, but it looked way better in real life. People were giving Yamaguchi a wide berth, staring but pretending not to be and Kei snickered at the thought of anyone being afraid Yamaguchi was dangerous. 

Yamaguchi looked up and spotted him, pulling his sunglasses up. His eyes widened and he was smiling as he called out “Tsukki!”

When he got closer his voice got high and excited. “You’re all glittery!”

If he had a tail, it would be wagging. _So dangerous._

He walked over and they were on their way. Terushima’s studio was booked, Yamaguchi clearing his schedule for the next week and it was a flurry of pictures and questions and looking at color references and Dashi asking if he was sure three thousand times while fluctuating between hyper excitement and incredible worry.

He had called him out on it but Yamaguchi just stared at him.“You utter fool, you buffoon. This will be on your skin forever. Do you want a mistake on your skin forever, Tsukki? Your. Skin. Forever. And a big chunk. It’s huge. Massive. Enormous. Terushima is doing it, too. Do you know what that means? He’s a witch. If you aren’t sure he’ll talk you into something else. I have seen it, with my very own eyes. He always suggests something ridiculous and people go with it Tsukki. They just like– go with it. Even if it’s nothing they ever said they wanted. I don’t want that, do you want that? A witch putting something you never said you wanted on your skin forever? Do you?”

“Wow. I’m impressed. You didn’t breathe once.”

Yamaguchi looked scandalised. “Tsukki! A witch!”

It had a been a long time since he had rolled his eyes at Yamaguchi in person. “Chill, I’m sure.”

“If you end up with a parrot on top a house, don’t come crying to me. I won’t stop him,” Yamaguchi said before walking ahead.  

From there on out it had been a whirlwind; saying hello to his mom and having her crush him in one of her hugs, then getting one from Saeko-nee, Akiteru trying to get one in, Tanaka somehow being in his house when he arrived and having to deal with that.

Things got progressively a lot louder when Yamaguchi “quietly” announced that he had a package for him from _Kuroo, his one and only loving boyfriend_ before dropping it on his lap while they were all catching up in the living room.

They were sharks and Yamaguchi had sneakily drawn first blood. Question after question, relentlessly. Kei being in a relationship wasn’t a secret to his family but he had  kept details and talks about it to his _maman,_ (and the odd one with Akiteru) including exactly _who_ it was he was dating, which is why the entire ordeal was worth it at Tanaka’s yelp of surprise when the name Kuroo Tetsurou came into play. It was beautiful.

Scale models, some accurate and some not, adorned the shelves that had seen him grow up. His room was unchanged from when he first left and if Aki’s was any example to go by it would stay that way for a very long time. His bed felt the same. Light blue curtains let in as much light as they had done years prior.

He’s missed them. He’s missed this, too. This room, the creaky floorboard on the way to Aki’s room, his mom’s humming while she knits. It’s so good to be back, to see them. It’s so strange to be back. Inserting himself into this world as if  not time has passed, as if he woke up from a nap and it’s two years ago, his homework waiting for him on his desk. Strange because he somehow feels like a foreign object in this house, melding himself into a shape that is wildly different but looks exactly the same.

Surreal was the only word he could think of to describe the feeling, how he felt exactly the same and so very different from the person who used to live here. He was but he wasn’t.

How they had fixed the leaky sink after years, how his door didn’t creak, how the kitchen was different, how the plant with the white flower he could never remember the name of now was a growing bush that would give a flower with blue petals. How time passes and things change even when he’s not here to see it.

If Kuroo where here, Kei would say that outloud and Kuroo would make fun of him for a minute or two and then delve into a three hour conversation about it.

_“You mean time dares to pass without asking for your input? How rude. Let’s fucking sue it.”_

He snorted–a trait he had picked up from Kuroo– and buried his face in his hands. This might be harder than he thought. The only good thing is that he had the satisfaction of knowing he was right; long distance would have been hell. _It hasn’t even been a single day, get your shit together._

He was staring at the ceiling, earbuds in. His phone had died ten minutes prior so he was laying in a silent dark room like a loser. Pulling himself off of whatever mood he was wallowing in, Kei turned his lamp on before he remembered the box Dashi had so kindly brought for him and got up to get it.

Settling back on the bed with the box in tow, he opened it. Inside and in a corner surrounded by bubble wrap there was a small box wrapped with soft yellow paper, little snails printed all over. Kei took it out and placed it on his bedside table to give to Saeko later. The rest of the things were neatly packed in individual wrapping paper, terrible wonky faces that had definitely been drawn by Kuroo winking at him. Kei took them out one by one and laid them on the bed, setting the box in the floor.

The first one was a new splitter, his old one having been hanging for dear life for a while now. It was almost an exact replica of his old one but longer. Scrawled on the paper were musical notes and a smiley face and Kei was suddenly filled with an obnoxious feeling.

Why was Kuroo so fucking cute? He was a dork that made them watch Night at the Museum because it had a giant sentient fossil on it, wore and bought Hello Kitty pyjamas on the regular because he liked them and they were soft, and now he doodled wonky shit on his useful and thoughtful gifts? Fuck that.

_Soon._

Two wrapped lumps were still unopened, so he put the splitter next to Saeko’s gift. He grabbed the biggest one between the two. Glossy white covered all three of the gifts, red scribbles looking stark. Bulky but light, the second one felt squishy between his fingers. Red ink showed what he assumed was a round face with lines to show it was blushing and bulging cheeks surrounded by twinkly lines. It also had glasses. Kei snickered at what was supposed to be him.

Thankfully they were taped in a way that made it so that he didn’t have to tear the paper.

Kei groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose and trying to quell down the wave of excitement engulfing him at the sight. It was a strawberry.

A palm sized plush strawberry with little seeds.

It was puffy and round and cute. A plastic hook hung from a loop of matching red fabric and he was going to absolutely hang it from his bag. It was strawberry scented.

But was that it? No. No, it wasn’t.

Along with with his new dangly there was a card from his favorite local bakery. This particular bakery was a gift from the gods and it was run by an old couple, their son, and his family. It was always packed, had made to order cakes and opened limited slots. Tetsurou got him a cake.

An. Entire. Cake.

Like, for himself.

Not to share, like he usually did when by some sort of dark magic me managed to snag a slot and everyone in his house descended on it like a pack of hyenas. An entire strawberry shortcake just for him. In December. _Pompe à l'huile_ who?

Kei sighed. “Okay. okay.”

The strawberry was making him feel _things_. This was the worst, they should have exchanged presents when he was in Tokyo. It was his idea so he absolutely brought this upon himself, but it wasn’t _fair_. He thought it’d be easier like this but he was wrong, so wrong.

He looked at the remaining third lump on his bed with apprehension. What else? What else could that bedhead bastard pull on him.

First, the wonky doodle was a winky face, which immediately made him suspicious. To make it even sketchier, the winky face was surrounded by hearts and, if he wasn’t mistaken, a non-anatomically correct dick. He braced himself and tore around the tape holding everything together.

As he sat there, last present unwrapped, he had an epiphany.

Kuroo was a genius.

He was getting so much ass, by god.

Between his fingers was soft see-through fabric. It was nice, not unlike the rest of the lace boy-shorts he already owned.

Except.

These were red. Red, red. Like Kuroo’s volleyball shorts red.

Like his face right now red.

Attached was a note in Kuroo’s chicken scrawl. _Merry Christmas Moonshine~_

He needed to not be here in a room alone right now, so he grabbed Saeko’s present and took his flaming cheeks to the living room, leaving his phone to charge. He was going to need it later.

* * *

Everything was set. The strawberry and the card were on his bed, arranged so that both of them were showing. He had spent the last twenty minutes getting ready and taking the perfect shot, door locked. Phone was at 85%.  

Tetsu had been quiet all afternoon, notifications from him on Kei's phone at zero. A quick shot of the strawberry and he pressed send.

 

**TETSU[10:23 PM]**

_> > [img sent]_

_> > How did u know about these? _

<< i may or may not have bribed yamaguchi with candid pictures of you

__> >_So this is what betrayal feels like _

<<  you got cake tho

__> >_True _

__> >_ Speaking of _

__> >_[img sent]_

 

The photo was nice. Kei was no stranger to taking pictures of himself but with Tetsu always nearby the last couple of months he hadn't really seen the need to send him anything other than a couple of selfies. 

 

 

**TETSU[10:28 PM]**

<<  did you just

<<  call your ass cake

 

Kei frowned. That was not the reaction he expected. His ass looked great, red lace covering it, the curve of his back showing. 

 

__**TETSU[10:30 PM]** _ _

__> >_ I send you a picture of my ass in lingerie _

__> >_That you got for me _

__> >_ And all you care about is if I called it cake _

<<  YOU MADE A PUN TSUKKI

<<  THIS IS A BIG DEAL

__> >_ Can’t we just sext like a normal couple?   _

<<  fine

<<  be that way

<<  [img sent]

Nope. 

 

__**TETSU[10:33 PM]** _ _

__> >_ Tetsurou _

__> > _I can’t get hard when you’re wearing baby cat hairclips _

__> > _That are a matching set with Kenma’_s

__> >_ I can’t _

__> >_ It’s wrong _

<<  you know what

 

 

A call screen came up. He picked up before the yowling could really start. Kuroo’s voice was heated. “You can’t give me kitten hair clips and expect me not to wear them, Tsukki. You can’t.”

“It’s not about if you wear them or not, just take them off when sending me nudes,” Kei hissed. “That’s all I’m asking. I don’t want to become someone who can get hard even when you’re wearing them. Especially when calling them kitten hairclips, Tetsurou.” Something was off. Kei couldn't put his thumb on it, but Kuroo was acting weird. 

“What’s wrong with kitten hair clips!?”

“I gave the exact same set to Kenma, who put them on immediately, and whom you happen to call Kitten. It was heartwarming. Don’t tarnish something nice, you savage.”

Silence.

And then, in a defeated tone “Yeah, okay, you win that one.”

“ _Humanity_ wins.”

Kuroo was silent and something was very, very wrong.

Kei was blunt most of the time and without Kuroo there in person to gage his expression and his body, he was afraid of saying the wrong thing or miscalling the situation. He was still trying to figure out how to bring up ‘ _Hey, something is definitely wrong but you’re acting like it’s not in a weird way, and it’s throwing me off’_ and an awkward silence was building.

 _Fuck it._ He just asked. “Is everything alright?”

Kuroo’s response was immediate and his tone was downright odd. “Yeah. I tried one of the facemasks earlier and my face is pimped. How is everything over there? Everyone doing okay?”

_Okay. So, not fine._

What could have happened in the last seven hours since they last saw each other?

Kei could take a hint. If Kuroo wanted to ignore whatever _that_ was and make him talk, he’d talk. “Fine. Yamaguchi is an evil lord in disguise, like always. Aki keeps hovering over Saeko-nee until she yells at him; she’s barely even showing. I gave them your present.” 

“Oh? What did they say?” Rustling could be heard from the other end followed by squeaking. Kuroo’s bed had a squeaky board that scared the shit out of him at two in the morning when one of them moved in their sleep.

“Nothing, they want to open it when Mom gets here.”

Kuroo hummed. “Did you set up the angel?”

“What?” Shit. The angel.

“Yeah, the one with glass wings, I think?”

Earlier he had intended to get it but got sidetracked with looking at Saeko-nee’s last scan and completely forgot about it. “I haven’t yet. Thanks for reminding me.”

“Your mom specifically called you so that you would set it up, so it seemed like it was important.”

Throwing his blankets over himself, he cozied up against the wall. Thinking it over, there was something he could tell Kuroo about to get his mind off things. “There’s a story there, you know.”

“Really?”

“It was the first gift my mom gave– uhm, my other mom.”

Kuroo chucked at his hesitation. He wasn’t used to talking about his moms to other people, preferring to keep it private. It was also why he hadn’t really told anyone at home about those crappy couple of years until that one big talk with his _maman_.

Clearing his throat to buy some time, he began. It was awkward at first, Kei not being used to it. “ _Maman_ was spending her first Christmas here, away from her family and in a foreign country where holidays don’t mean the same thing. I told you, remember? That Christmas is something you do as a family in France? It’s not a day you spend with only your lover.”

A hum of agreement.

“So _maman_ was feeling bad but trying to bottle it up–”

Kuroo interrupted. “So that’s where you get it from, it’s genetic.”

“–and having a hard fucking time, Tetsurou.”

Kei huffed out a laugh, thankful that Kuroo’s tone was a bit more normal. “Anyway, she and mom were friends and mom noticed and figured it out, and _maman_ kept drawing these angels on the edges of her sketchbook, so mom bought this angel ornament–”

He made the connection and hated himself.

If he could launch himself into the sun he would, because there was no reason for him to think of that right now, in the middle of what had to be the most romantically stupid and wonderful story of two people in love he has ever heard in his life. He remembered, the things sitting pretty on his kitchen counter, the freaking mugs.

_I should have locked them in my closet, if Hinata breaks them I will literally wring his neck and curse his entire bloodline._

“Yeah?”

Kei’s cheeks were on fire. He cleared his throat and tried to continue as smoothly as possible. “Yeah. Uhm- so. _Maman_ did some Christmas shopping here and sent it back home to France, but since mom was her only close friend here she bought her something too. ”

“That’s… kind of adorable and sad but not?”

“Such a poet. Calm down there, Neruda.” Snicker willing some of the red away, he sunk more into his pillow. “Anyway, they meet up for–

_Ah fuck, not this too._

Pretending his voice had not cracked _again_ , he continued. “–for coffee, and they chat and randomly mom tells her that she knowns _maman’s_ been feeling homesick so she got her a christmas present to celebrate like she does, and _maman_ pulls out her gift and tells her she also got included in the gift giving this year.”

Kei paused, waiting for a prompt to continue. Kuroo sounded invested. “And?”

“And so _maman_ unwraps her gift and starts cracking up. Then it escalates to full blown cackling. Mom’s put out because ‘hey, I put a lot of thought into that, so what if the angel’s a little wonky you little shit’—”

“Ah, so you take after that mom.”

“—which only makes _maman_ laugh even harder. So now mom’s pissed, but _maman_ grabs the unwrapped gift and lo and behold–”

“Wait.” Incredulous, Kuroo whispered  “No fucking way–”

“Another angel but with ceramic wings ‘cause mom liked plates and stuff.”

Kuroo’s laugh was nice. It’s wasn’t the hyena one but a softer one colored with surprise and enjoyment.“Holy shit, that’s incredible. Oh my god, your moms are so rad.”

Kei knew his voice was mellow. He didn’t care. “They tell that story on Christmas, every year. They get drunk on wine they tell us that story. So, yeah it’s really important.”

“It sounds like a one of a kind thing.”

Kuroo sounded better, good even, but there’s an underlying edge there. It's been there for a while now.

It was in Kuroo’s eyes when Kei talked about his moms, or when Bokuto brought up his nephews, when Tetsurou asked about Kei’s family because he knew Kei loved them and that they’re important, hiding alongside the genuine amusement and interest that danced in his eyes, on the small bench in the park with freezing breaths and dim lights when he was trying his hardest not to hurt so that they could share because he cared.

It was sharp and cutting and Kuroo was bleeding from it, a little. It hurt.

It slipped out without thinking

“Next year.”

“Tsukki?”

He had been so hesitant before, with Kuroo under the lights and that god-awful grin and that hair and the terrible, horrible hair, making his chest expand until it was hard to breathe. It didn’t feel right, to be here on a day he wants to spend with family and to have to talk to Tetsu through a phone. It did not.

He didn’t want to do it again.

“Next year come with me. Spend Christmas with me here. You should hear it in person, Tetsurou.”

It's out before he could pay attention to what he was really saying and the only evidence that he said anything at all is in the absolute crushing silence screaming at him from the other end.

_Oh, no._

A palm made way to sit over his face, cheeks probably purple by now. What was with him and blurting out shit like this over the phone?! Had he learned nothing?!

A shaky breath.

_Oh my god._

That. That was a loaded statement. Fingers slid from his cheek to his forehead, flush heating his skin.

That was making plans years in advance. That implied Tsukki thinks that they’ll last years, or at least another one. Not ‘Let’s spend Christmas together next year.’

Or ‘Next year I’ll stay behind with you.’

No.

That implied a next year where they are together and plan ahead and work and do something to make sure they can both make it.

That Tetsurou belonged next to him, in his family home, looking at his moms pour the wine and get absolutely shitfaced while they tell them the story of their first christmas together and the shiny figurines with wings made of glass that they put on a huge ass plastic tree that they had to import years ago because his _maman_ saw it and wanted it and  bought it in freaking France–

That they were going to have a brat around next year and that Kei wanted him there to help earn the title of favorite uncle and rub it in Tanaka’s face, but he was actually legitimately terrified of babies–and fuck Tetsurou was already doing that, isn’t he?

He wasasking him to come home with Kei and to meet his mom and his _maman_ and to tease the shit out of Aki as a father along with Saeko-nee and to be a part of all of this together–

That implied that Kei thinks that Tetsurou is his family, and that he deserved to be here with the rest of it, celebrating a year of being together and meeting each other again.

(Not the baby jesus thing.)

That he was wanted, not just around out of coincidence or convenience.

That Tetsurou had a place, here.

And you know what? It terrified him.

He one hundred percent meant all of it.

In fact, he was kind of pissed  he didn’t think to do something before tonight when he was already here to make sure Tetsurou came, and left him alone in Tokyo to endure holidays taking extra jobs and dealing with his shitty family for the sake of Yuuko.

That’s weird, that was so weird and he was kind of freaking out?

Tetsu’s relationship with family was strange, at best. His family in particular, but overall very strange? And Tetsurou wasn’t saying anything, and Kei knew he understood the entire metric ton of subtext in that statement.

Here he was, naked except for a scrap of red lace, tangled in sheets with cheeks burning and heart galloping. _I wanted to sext him and ended up here. Good job Kei._

Softly. With hesitation. “Tetsu?”

When it finally arrived, gravely and a little wet but pretending not to be, he went with it.

“Alright, Kei. Next year.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy this is going to be a long one 
> 
> Can you believe that Tsukki out-gayed and out-sapped Kuroo? 
> 
> Tsukki calls his French mom Maman and keeps the language fresh by talking to his mom in French when she calls, so all dialogues between him and Sabine are in french (he switches to Japanese when there are people around because people stare at him more and it makes him anxious sometimes.)
> 
> Fun fact phone sex was a thing that was going to happen but it got disgustingly heartfelt instead.
> 
> Look at me giving you angst-ish Kagehina content without truly addressing the issue 10/10.
> 
> LISTEN TO ME I FOUND SO MUCH CUTE SHIT HOLY FUCK 
> 
> For the hair clips just image all of these like in a big pack I couldn’t choose. 
> 
>  
> 
> [ This](https://tinyurl.com/yaxabj3a)  
> [ and this](https://tinyurl.com/yc3ndyhq)  
> [ and this](https://tinyurl.com/y7skszec)  
> [ and this](https://tinyurl.com/y835akkt)  
> [ and this](https://tinyurl.com/yca9xn27)  
> [ and this](https://tinyurl.com/y857ruqo)
> 
>  
> 
> [This is Tsukki’s strawberry ](https://tinyurl.com/yabof29o) just imagine it with a hook you’re welcome  
> He likes cute small things fight me 
> 
> I always tell ppl to come yell at me on twitter but I’m feeling mellow so come by and whisper please 
> 
>  
> 
> [Twitter @ivyfics](https://twitter.com/ivyfics)


	4. We love you ( Just like this)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooooooo! 
> 
> This is a little something that happens simultaneously with the last chapter. 
> 
> Kuroo's side of the day Kei left. I didn’t like how it flowed with the rest of the chap but I still wanted to keep this in and not turn it into a one-shot, so we have a little in between chap that's roughly 1/4 of the usual length. 
> 
> Oh yeah, I totes forgot, I’m not dead. Yay me.

The walk back to the apartment was an experience.

Somehow he managed to not only walk to the register and order but also get his order right, even if he’d forgotten all about the warm cup in his hand until he was setting it down in the kitchen. When Tetsurou’s head was back on straight, he was going to thank the heavens for making sure he didn’t get run over in his haze.

Talking to Akemi proved his instinct to flee absolutely correct.

Accurate.

Right, for once in his life.

_Don’t go there. That’s not true._

Venturing to the outside was an absolute failure, accomplishing the opposite of what he intended to do in the first place,  and Tetsurou found himself exactly where he was before he left only with an extra blanket, more dread, and a weird ooze of equal parts numbness and worry.

Light blinked at him from where he stared at his phone’s screen go black. He tapped it back to life, conversation with Tsukki bearing into his skull. Usually staring at it brought him nothing but joy. Now it was more of a low buzzing in the back of his head that got incrementally louder until he couldn’t hear himself think.

The last month taught Tetsurou he had _a lot_ of feelings but none of them were exactly like this.

Brain beehive.

That’s what it was.

Loud fucking bees. That or a staticky tv that shrieked every so often.

He was angry, too, that a single person had enough hold on him to turn him into whatever this was.

The logic part of his brain was fucking him over. Tetsurou was moderately smart if his scholarship was anything to go by (and if there happened to be any kind of university staff present then Tetsurou is a genius deserving of their free education), based things in logic, on science.

How else could he explain that it affected him so much unless whatever Akemi said was true?

Tap.  
Another tap.

Tsukki’s last message burned a hole in his retinas.

> _ <<Already here _
> 
> _ <<I see Yamaguchi _
> 
> _ <<Talk to you later _

Tetsurou wanted nothing more than to talk to him, spam him with useless messages just to know that for a second Tsukki would be thinking of him, wouldn’t  forget about him, no matter how momentary. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. It felt like he was intruding, clingy. Unwanted. A mental image of Tsukki looking down at his phone and huffing in annoyance was on loop, overlaying over itself whenever Tetsurou’s hand itched to press a message.

_How lame. Pathetic._

That one was new. Must have rubbed off from when Tsukki said it.

This was the worst.

Day one and already Tetsurou was a downer.

Knocks on his door filtered in with the rest of his thoughts, followed by, “Uh, Tetsu.”

Tetsurou cleared his throat, still dry from the cold air outside. “Yeah,” he said, then repeated when the first one was barely audible.

“There’s a full to-go cup in the kitchen. It’s cold. Are you sulking because Tsukki left?”

Tetsurou winced, unable to hide it.  “A little.”

Tetsurou’s answer a green flag, Bokuto pushed the door open. Eyes landing on him, Bokuto whistled, “That doesn’t seem like a little. That’s a whole lot of sulking you’re doing there. You okay?”

Instead of answering, Tetsurou began, “So I ran into Akemi at the coffee shop today.”

Bokuto froze. “Shit.”

“That sounds about right.”

Eyes narrowed, Bokuto came closer. Finger pointed accusingly at Tetsurou, he picked up steam. “She said something, didn’t she. She always says something. Fuck her and her big mouth.”

“Nothing that isn’t true,” Tetsurou said defeatedly.

“That sounds like a lie because that woman is incapable of saying anything nice about you and you are the nicest person alive, but okay,” Bokuto jabbed back. “What’s on your mind?”

Tetsurou’s laugh was forced, phone going black again and being dropped next to him on the bed. “Nothing. Everything. The reality of my life.”

“That you’re awesome and are gonna drink yucky cold coffee because you’re disgusting like that.”

“Fuck you, lattes are good even when they go cold, I’ll not have this slander in my house,” Tetsurou deflected.  Bokuto was eerily good at detecting bullshit when it was coming out of Tetsurou’s mouth like this, so he’d get the truth out of him eventually. Maybe not all of it, not the things that may include him in it. Tetsurou did not want to say anything that would hurt Bokuto in any way.

Relenting to coming clean with at least a part of it, Tetsurou turned on his side to face him, unable to look at Bokuto in the eye. “Okay, before you say anything, just hear me out. Tsukki goes back home, in the time he’s there he realizes how completely out of my league he is and how he could be dating literally anybody else, then proceeds to dump my ass.”

Bokuto chuckled, _chuckled_ , as if this wasn’t the best part of Tetsurou’s heart on the line, “Nah.”

Shuffling some more to get some of the twitching out of his body, Tetsurou continued, mumbling, “He could have anyone, you know. Like an actual real relationship with somebody else, he’s not emotionally stunted or whatever.”

Bokuto’s face did the thing when he’s not sure he’s hearing something right. “Hey, don’t,” he protested.

“I mean it. He’s so pretty Bo, and smart, and snarky, and funny and he’s liked other people. _Loved_ other people,” Tetsurou sighed out, aware of how his face took on that dumbfounded look that came to life whenever he talked about Tsukki but oblivious to the pained edge to it.   

Tactile as he was, Bokuto was already coming closer, knee dipping the bed. A point of warmth in the wave of ick that flowed through him. Tetsurou owed Bokuto so much already, always being there. He spoke with conviction, completely sure of what he was saying. “Yeah, but those people aren’t you. Where is this coming from? From whatever whats-her-face said? Because I’ll fight her, you know I will, I don’t give a fuck.”

Tetsurou took a deep breath. Keeping this in to fester inside him was not the right way to go about this. He knew that. Bokuto would never judge him for whatever ran through his brain, he knew that too. It was the only thing that kept his mouth going. “I can’t do this… thing with anyone else. I tried, really tried. You remember Akemi. I just kept hurting people. I thought I couldn’t at all and then he showed up again and it was like ‘Hey, at least I’m not all the way broken.’ That’s a lot to put on him.”

Tetsurou curled inward with every word, the next releasing breath flowing through his limbs and spreading along the one that thought he’s kept tighter to him than the rest, “What if he’s putting up with me because he knows that.”

Bokuto rebuked it immediately. “Nah, bro.”

Tetsurou shot him a disbelieving stare.

Bokuto sobered up, laying a hand on his shoulder, and when Tetsurou didn’t lose the face, becoming an octopus around him. “Tetsu, listen to me. He’s not putting up with anything. You love each other so much it’s too cute sometimes, borderline disgusting. That’s coming from me, and my love for Akaashi is another level.”

“At least you’re aware of it,” Tetsurou tried to joke, mirth behind it a complete forgery.  

They laid there in silence, Bokuto’s grip on him not loosening one bit. It was comfort in it’s purest form, the heat of Bokuto’s body against his. A long time ago he thought himself in love with Bo and in moments like this he could see why. Tetsurou melted into it, trying his best to forget his run-in with Akemi, trying to find truth in Bokuto’s encouragement, in the physical presence of his support.

He was halfway to unconsciousness when Bokuto’s voice rumbled between them. “Hey, Tetsu?”

At Tetsurou’s hum, Bokuto continued, “You’re not half broken. You’re not broken at all; you don’t need to be fixed or put up with. Tsukki loves you. We love you, just like this. Exactly as you are. Please remember that.”

* * *

 Bokuto was not a liar. That got Tetsurou up from bed. It drove him to drink the coffee he spent money on— Fuck Bokuto for hating on him, it was good, even if he did end up reheating it—lead him to his basket of goodies perched in his bathroom.

Clad in a casual set of Hello Kitty pajamas Tetsurou spread a chocolate mask on his face, hair littered with tiny kittens while going over pictures of them on his phone. Most of them were of Tsukki, unaware that they had been taken. 

It was lame. Kind of creepy, if you really went there. 

Tetsurou knew this.

Bokuto might have gotten him out of bed and into doing some self-care things, but he didn’t erase Tetsurou’s worry. Swiping another picture of Kei on his phone, Tetsurou made up his mind.

When Kei returned, that’s when Tetsurou would bring it up.

_Hey moonshine, welcome back. I’m scared that I’m guilting you into being with me because I can’t seem to work right in the whole emotions department and I’m apparently no good at not hurting others. I’m also incredibly jealous of you and all my closest friends because they’re loved in a way that I’m not. Anyway, how’s the fam?_

Tetsurou snorted. Fuck.

Boyfriend of the year.  

Alone as he was since Bokuto had some babysitting to do there was no one to witness Tetsurou rolling on the floor, hands covering his recently washed face. Not great for his pores, fantastic for the building panic. If there was one thing he did not want it was to jeopardize what he had with Kei.

He loved Kei so much. So much more than he thought he’d be able to love anyone.

Thinking about the way Kei woke up in the mornings, groggy and trying to blink out the blurriness from his eyes before remembering he can’t see right made Tetsurou’s chest fill with giddiness. On some level he knew that when he brought this up Kei would tell him none of it was true. The guilt-tripping, not the waking up thing, he had that shit on video and could present hard evidence to the court.

It was the _what if_ , the off-chance, that brought the fear.

Biting his lip Tetsurou stared at the ceiling, lost in thought until the vibration from his phone pulled him back. A new message from Kei had his lungs jumping and trying to leave through his trachea, racking cough making him splutter harder.

> **MOONSHINE <3[10:23 PM]**
> 
> _ << [img sent]  
>  << How did u know about these? _

A picture of the cute ass strawberry he found online and the gift card for the bakery Yamaguchi had told him about were set next to each other on what Tetsurou would assume was a blue comforter, fuzzy red sock peeking in the corner.

Hey, those were Tetsurou’s socks.

Sneaky thief.

His sneaky, sarcastic thief.

How embarrassing that a little thing like stolen socks already made him feel better.

> >> i may or may not have bribed yamaguchi with candid pictures of you

He was staring at those very pictures while sulking, insecure puddle that he currently was, just seconds ago. Tsukki responded immediately, a tiny smile cracking Tetsurou’s face.

> _ << So this is what betrayal feels like _
> 
> >> you got cake tho
> 
> _ << True _
> 
> _ << Speaking of  _
> 
> _ << [img sent] _

Whatever Tetsurou was expecting, that was absolutely not it. Christ.

_Thank you, baby Jesus, for not only you get presents on this holy time._

> >>  did you just
> 
> >>  call your ass cake

Tsukki took longer to answer this time, Tetsurou’s eyes glued to the screen in front of him. In his whole crisis pit Tetsurou had actually forgotten about the lacy thing he slipped into Kei’s present.

> _ << I send you a picture of my ass in lingerie _
> 
> _ << That you got for me _
> 
> _ << And all you care about is if I called it cake _

Maybe that wasn’t the best thing to fixate on when your boyfriend sends you something racy but the banter they had going on was doing more to soothe Tetsurou’s soul than how _fan-fucking-tastic_ Kei’s ass looked in that picture. Fear not, when Tetsurou was feeling less icky he was absolutely jerking off to that. Multiple times.

He needed their dorky moments right now.

> >>  YOU MADE A PUN TSUKKI
> 
> >>  THIS IS A BIG DEAL
> 
> << Can’t we just sext like a normal couple?  

Tetsurou sighed. He could say no, and then Kei would probably figure out something was wrong. Any type of picture, mostly including the semi-nude and nude variety from Kei have never been turned down. They were met with utmost enthusiasm and similar replies.

_You could just tell him you’re feeling like a shoe and need some reassurance._

_Yeah, nothing like insecurity to get things going down there._

Fuck.

Tetsurou wasn’t completely uninterested. It was Kei, that alone had something going on.

He trudged to the bathroom to wash off his face mask.  

> >>  fine
> 
> >>  be that way
> 
> >>  [img sent]
> 
> _ >> Tetsurou _
> 
> _ << I can’t get hard when you’re wearing baby cat hairclips _
> 
> _ << That are a matching set with Kenma’s _
> 
> _ << I can’t _
> 
> _ << It’s wrong _

Oh. So that’s how it was going to be? Hello Kitty was game but suddenly the hairclips were not? 

> >>  you know what

 Tetsurou pressed the call button, face set. Kei took less than two rings in picking up. “You can’t give me kitten hair clips and expect me not to wear them, Tsukki. You can’t,” Tetsurou huffed out.

He was standing firm on this. He loved them. All of them.

“It’s not about if you wear them or not, just take them off when sending me nudes,” Kei hissed. “That’s all I’m asking. I don’t want to become someone who can get hard even when you’re wearing them. Especially when calling them kitten hairclips, Tetsurou.”

Tetsurou grabbed at his hair, exasperated. “What’s wrong with kitten hair clips!?”

“I gave the exact same set to Kenma, who put them on immediately, and whom you happen to call Kitten. It was heartwarming. Don’t tarnish something nice, you savage.”

Oh. Yeah.

That _was_ heartwarming.

Kenma sent him a picture earlier in the day before it all went to garbage. No caption, just a close up of his hair. Tetsurou hadn’t sent one back, even if he’d been wearing them for the better part of the evening. He always sent Ken a picture of their matching things.

That made him droop. “Yeah, okay, you win that one.”

“Humanity wins,” Kei snarked back.

It was perfect.

His voice was perfect.  

He missed Kei so much.

_It hasn’t been a single day and I’d give my left nut to hug him._

Tetsurou’s forehead hit the door jamb with a small thud, eyes closed.

 _I’m scared. It’s too much._   

“Is everything alright?”

Had Tetsurou said anything? He’d been silent the whole time, hadn’t he. Fuck. Trying to replicate what he sounded like when he was a normal, functioning human being, “Yeah. I tried one of the facemasks earlier and my face is pimped. How is everything over there? Everyone doing okay?”

A small pause.

 _Please, for the grace of baby Jesus, keep talking. Say anything_.

“Fine,” Kei hummed, “ Yamaguchi is an evil lord in disguise, like always. Aki keeps hovering over Saeko-nee until she yells at him; she’s barely even showing. I gave them your present.”

_Baby J, you never fail me._

Releasing a breath, Tetsurou marched back to his pile of blankets, chest unconstricting. “Oh? What did they say?”

“Nothing, they want to open it when Mom gets here.”

Kei’s voice was a balm. Tetsurou could hear him talk for hours. Settling back, he wiggled to get the fluff just right, “Did you set up the angel?”

“What?”

 _That’s a no._ “Yeah, the one with glass wings, I think?”

“I haven’t yet. Thanks for reminding me.”

“Your mom specifically called you so that you would set it up, so it seemed like it was important.”

Shuffling filtered through Kei's end. “There’s a story there, you know."

That sounded like the start of something, and Tetsurou's eyes shut, content with listening to Kei go. “Really?”

“It was the first gift my mom gave– uhm, my other mom.” Tetsurou chuckled at Kei’s hesitation. Talking about his moms was a recent development and he was still getting used to using his French in regular conversations.

This was going to be painful for Tetsurou, but he’d take if it meant he could hear Kei talk all night. Soothing one discomfort by poking at another. What a day.

“Maman was spending her first Christmas here, away from her family and in a foreign country where holidays don’t mean the same thing. I told you, remember? That Christmas is something you do as a family in France? It’s not a day you spend with only your lover.”

Tetsurou hummed. How could he forget? On the list of thing that summed up the difference in their family life that had been one of the most recent ticks. Kei was so peaceful when telling him about it, so much that it mostly covered the sting.

“So maman was feeling bad but trying to bottle it up–”

Kuroo interrupted. “So that’s where you get it from, it’s genetic.”

“–and having a hard fucking time, Tetsurou.”

“Anyway, she and mom were friends and mom noticed and figured it out, and maman kept drawing these angels on the edges of her sketchbook, so mom bought this angel ornament–”

Kei’s voice cracked, followed by silence.

“Yeah?” It might sting but Tetsurou still liked hearing about it, vicariously living through whatever Kei told him next.

“Yeah. Uhm- so. Maman did some Christmas shopping here and sent it back home to France, but since mom was her only close friend here she bought her something too. ”

“That’s… kind of adorable and sad but not?”

“Such a poet. Calm down there, Neruda.”

“Anyway, they meet up for—” Kei’s voice cracked again, what on earth? “—coffee and they chat, and randomly mom tells her that she knowns maman’s been feeling homesick so she got her a Christmas present to celebrate like she does, and maman pulls out her gift and tells her she also got included in the gift giving this year.”

Kei paused again.

Did this boy not know how to tell a story? Tetsurou was not here for the suspense. He was now emotionally invested, eyes wide open. Lay it all out. “And,” Tetsurou prompted.

“And so maman unwraps her gift and starts cracking up. Then it escalates to full-blown cackling. Mom’s put out because ‘hey, I put a lot of thought into that, so what if the angel’s a little wonky you little shit’—”

“Ah, so you take after that mom,” Tetsurou grinned, having been on the end of one of those lines more than once.

“—which only makes maman laugh even harder. So now mom’s pissed, but maman grabs the unwrapped gift and lo and behold–”

“Wait.” Could it be? That was not happening. That would be too much, how much more adorable does a family get. “No fucking way–”

“Another angel but with ceramic wings ‘cause mom liked plates and stuff,” Kei ended, pleased tone leaking through. 

Enjoyment rose through him, cutting away everything else for a moment. “Holy shit, that’s incredible. Oh my god, your moms are so rad.”

“They tell that story on Christmas, every year. They get drunk on wine they tell us that story. So, yeah it’s really important.”

Kei was so fucking soft.

So, so soft.

Like marshmallow fluff, sinking into every crack of Tetsurou’s body. Every twist, subduing the buzzing in his head.

...Aaaaand then Tetsurou’s brain had to ruin it.

_So that’s what that love sounds like._

Tetsurou ached.

He wanted.

Wanted to have something like that, wanted to be a part of that. All he could do was try, try to not let it seep into his words, try to keep the vines around his lungs away.  

“It sounds like a one of a kind thing,” he said, failing miserably.

It came out as an afterthought. A cloud floating between them. “Next year.”

Tetsurou paused, head cocked. “Tsukki?”

“Next year come with me. Spend Christmas with me here. You should hear it in person, Tetsurou.”

And Tetsurou sunk.

Sunk, far, far down, deep into the softness of Kei’s voice when saying his name. The same amount of soft, softer still, cotton rough when compared to what Kei whispered into every syllable.

There was an eternity of silence between them. 

Tetsurou couldn't speak.

What did you say to that? How did you respond?

Again, at the end of a breath.

 _Ah, so_ **_that’s_ ** _what that love sounds like._

“Tetsu?”

Kei’s voice was slow, asking.

_As if there is anything other I could say._

Sight blurry, third try the charm, Tetsurou’s breath holding him still, he accepted every hidden promise. “Alright, Kei. Next year.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now on to the next chap and all the things that come after. I already have two of the final scenes done, but I don't know how long until we get there. 
> 
> I feel like my writing style has changed since I started this fic and coming back to it after a while of working on other things was odd. 
> 
> Hopefully, I kept the same vibe. I tried ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> You can come yell at me on:  
> [Twitter ](https://twitter.com/ivyfics)  
> [Tumblr ](http://ivyfics.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> I think the BokuAka sidestory will come before the next update but there is at least an extra 2 chapters outlined for this. I don't know if they'll be as long as the first one, so we'll have to see. They will *hopefully*contain more plot than this. 
> 
> Let me know what you think 
> 
> Come yell at me on twitter [ @Ivyfics ](https://twitter.com/ivyfics)


End file.
